Or you will end up on here… *THIS IS PART ONE. For Part two, click here*
I want you, the reader, to read his responses out loud. You have to focus. Trust me, you will get a good laugh. I got rid of his first and middle name, however I kept his last name just because [...]

Am I evil? Is the long dick of karma going to find me and rub itself on and around my face? Am I going to be hated by Jesus & Friends? I don’t know. I don’t care.
Central Hooton Agency (C.H.A) pulled through again and came with this handsome fellow. I am just going to go [...]

More confirmations are coming in for “The Bamboozle 2009″. The current lineup includes: 3OH!3, A Rocket To The Moon, Ace Enders And A Million Different People, All Time Low, Bayside, Blood Hound Gang, Boys Like Girls, Brokencyde, Cobra Starship, Danger Radio, Enter Shikara, Face to Face, Fall Out Boy, Forever The Sickest Kids, Gwar, Hyper [...]

The year hasn’t ended yet, however it is Thanksgiving day so I feel like I should do my thank-yous already. I can’t start specifying people and names. There are way too many of you. Sorry I have to put this in a blog… sending out cards or calling all of you would be…I don’t know… [...]

Hello all, welcome to my first post. From here on out I will be writing all that is music.
From punk rock to hiphop, electro to arena rock, it’ll all be here.
Tour announcements, new music updates, album reviews, music videos, etc.etc.
Hope you all enjoy…let’s do this.
The other night on the 24th, Kanye West performed “Love Lockdown” [...]

Ladies, for the last effing time: I’m not trying to sleep with your men.
I’ve always preferred the company of men to women. Maybe it’s because my Father wanted a boy and I grew up with all Uncles and no Aunties, but I just get along better with them. I like sports and have been positively [...]

Newton here. You must be asking yourself “Newton Hooton, are you here to put someone on blast once more!? Do you enjoy doing this to people!?” Yes…and yes. C.H.A *Central Hooton Agency* did an awesome job with this one. I must say, I am very proud of what I have started. C.I.A ain’t got nothin’ [...]

My, oh my: do I have some amazing little secrets to share with you. The musicians that follow will be your new addictions, I promise you that. Plus, I’m willing to bet not many of your friends know about them so you’ll have the added bonus of being in the know, which is the sweetest [...]

Independent films, traditionally, are generally referred to as a movies created entirely outside the traditional Hollywood system. Personally I like Indie films more than the mainstream flicks. I feel like Indie films don’t have a limit. As far as script, cast, director or whatever else. They are not made to appeal to everyone, therefore they [...]

There is absolutely nothing sadder than seeing a man wearing a suit or tux that looks bad on him. Such as the following:

Clearly you can see the difference. Anyway, I was just going through GQ, *I finally checked the mail* and I came across an article called “How to buy a tux.” That’s right, buy. [...]

People are people. As foreign as our ancestors may seem to us at times, they suffered from the same idiosyncratic deficiencies that morally compromise us, the children of technocratic modernity, and leave us dialed into an oddly prescribed fox-trot; we walk the same streets, just different incarnations. In other words, no matter how far we [...]

What kind of world am I living in!? What is wrong with people!? Why must I, Newton Hooton, see things that make my brain want to move out? Take a look yourself.

I will hand over my paycheck to you if you wear something like this. I found this ‘piece’ in Westwood, CA. I have no [...]

Ladies, I am sending out an official warning. All of us are in serious trouble. A man, no maybe a God, has cracked our code. He has studied and learned all of our secrets and now we are all him and his students’ puppets. Dangling in the air literally like pieces of meat. Just [...]

I drive a 2005 Chevy Cobalt, and it has been a great little car. Until now. A disconcerting dinging sound rang through the car and the handy little one-line screen I had loved until this moment said “Power Steering.” It used to give me thoughtful little notes: “Low Fuel” or “Ice Possible.” Why did it [...]

Being a sports fan is not only a lifestyle but it is a culture and a religion. Like many young Christians, I was brainwashed to believe ridiculous things from a young age before I was old enough to create my own personal ideas, so I ate up everything I was taught. Rather than learning to [...]

Well, since I received such positive feedback the last time I posted some of my writing I’ve decided to give you fine folks another taste. Here’s a piece titled “Origami Nothingness:”

He said, “I can’t” and walked out, leaving her on the floor, a humbled heap of dehumanized matter. She stayed there for some time, too. [...]

Ok, well, maybe not forever, but this diamond will last you a while. I just got the heads up on this exclusive offer from Diamond Supply Co. They have come up with an awesome collaboration with Gravis footwear, In4mation and produced a piece that smothers other bags with its superiority.

The exclusive Limited Edition
Diamond Supply Co. [...]

This just in you soulless bastards. The Neave has just got wind of another skanky whore being spotted in Hollyhood. Just as the previous slew, this one is sure to make her parents proud. She was reportedly last seen in the 1600 block of Cahuenga Blvd. The suspect was found “Face down, Ass up” in [...]

I pose a simple question to everyone: what’s with the double standard in the world of orgasms? If you’re a guy and you’re done in 2 minutes, you’re looked down on like you’re less than shit, a worthless human being who has no right to be sexually active or to be even naked. BUT, if [...]

Ok, so for about the past like 8 years I’ve had this agreement with myself that I wouldn’t live past the age of 45, unless I had a reason. Say like kids that still needed my attention. And this doesn’t come from some sick place in my head where I have this urge to die [...]

That’s right ladies, it’s that time of year again. The holidays are here, and you know what that means… LOTS AND LOTS OF…
FOOD!! I personally love the holidays and I really do not mind gaining the weight, because I do enough cardio to keep the Olsen twins as skinny as they are. But today while [...]

So.
I don’t think it’s a surprise that I am naked on the internet.
However, having strangers come up to you and tell you that they’ve seen you naked can be a bit disconcerting, especially if you’re on beer #1 and not #4. It is a bizarre feeling. This person you’ve never met before, never even knew [...]

Howdy hoe, how are you hoes? Newton here with another Schwag post. Today I have for you… Extreme Hippie Girl.

Who here wants to have a one on one with her!? Tell me now because Newton Hooton can totally hook you up. Not in sexual ways, just for conversation purposes. I would like to thank my [...]

So I just got out of seeing the new James Bond film, and I have to say I’m filled with a mixture of sadness, exactitude and machismo. The machismo is always present after I watch a Bond film though. I watch them, and after, like all men, I want to be him. With the smoothness, [...]

Bright Eyes has been called the next Bob Dylan in several reviews. When I first read that statement, I did not like Bright Eyes. It was emo, right? I was a little off the mark. I still think it is a major stretch to compare him to the greatest songwriter of all time, but Conor [...]