This is going to be all over the place, not in order, and pretty much long.
So 2008 is going to be over soon. I don’t know how to feel about it. It had its ups and downs. I definitely learned a lot that’s for sure.? I can’t decide if I hated it or if I [...]

Dear 2008,
There is a feeling of optimism that comes with the ushering in of a new year. A feeling that the bad times might actually be over, that sanctimonious inner tranquility is just around the corner, and that anything could be possible. You, 2008, took that feeling and within two days filled my head with [...]

Design By: Peter Cook and Colin Fournier

1. You ask for a girl’s phone number after she tells you about her boyfriend.
2. You dip. And, consequently, spit.
3. You go into a restaurant with a tea bag and a book and ask for a mug of hot water and proceed to stay an hour past closing with your free tea.
4. You hate bands [...]

Like any good twenty something, whenever I find myself with nothing else to do I plop in front of my computer and look up things on the Internet. This could be anything from definitions of dated racial slurs to obscure art movements that lasted all of two days in 1874, etc, etc blah blah blah. [...]

“OK, I just have to let you know, don’t touch my feet.”
“You no dowan massj?” The older Asian lady said back to me, oiling up her hands.
“No, I do. But just don’t touch my feet; massage everything but my feet. OK?” I was being fair, and spoke clear perfect English. Unfortunately she didn’t, and she [...]

I am Newton Hooton and I understand that I have a very odd name. I have been made fun of, ridiculed and abused by many because of my name. That is why I write the Shwag section for this grand ol’ publication. It is my way to stick my fist up people’s butts and get [...]

Lululemon is insanely amazing. If you haven’t already heard of the brand, it is God-sent for your big flabby ass or droopy cellulite infested thighs. It sucks in all your shit into its heavenly yoga material that only costs a bill (give or take… around there). Alas, unaware of where exactly the pants must sit [...]

 
Strung Out have posted an update on their plans for 2009. Along with the release of their forthcoming b-sides collection, Prototypes and Painkillers on February 17, 2009, the band is apparently planning to hit the studio:
“We’ve been practicing quite a bit lately and writing a bunch of new songs. We hope to be in the [...]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_9GR9kdZ3o[/youtube]
Celebrity sightings in San Francisco are generally pretty rare, but when they happen…well they happen, end of story: there’s really no exclamation point there. Two of my main males and I were chillaxing at my favorite bar in the City, the Country, the Universe (Spec’s in North Beach), and we had just settled into a [...]

Remember awhile back I posted a job application? Let me refresh your memory *CLick Here*
Well, McFashion is back! Yes! He applied again! Isn’t this amazing!? I am personally VERY excited to post this. I was filled with glee, joy and joyness when I saw the submitted form in my inbox. So here I am, being [...]

I’m Jewish. I have never celebrated Christmas and to be perfectly frank, have no desire to. Usually on Christmas day, I partake in the ancient Jewish tradition of Chinese food and a movie, followed by a hot shower and drinking the blood of unbaptized, Anglo-Saxon babies. I was excited to do that this year as [...]

Merry Christmas!
I just wanted to wish all the viewers a Merry Christmas and I hope that you have a wonderful holiday weekend. I hope you enjoy these videos as my gift to you. It has nothing to do with Christmas but it always makes me laugh.
-JohnnyD
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_hceWJ7FHY[/youtube] [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIKLQPoykkI[/youtube] [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSs7NCWp6kA[/youtube] [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLrLNehzpb8[/youtube] [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pJJ160npUU[/youtube] [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5TNQtrXzuA[/youtube]

It seems a common theme for my family to accuse me of being an alcoholic. I admit, I do drink quite frequently. In fact, some weeks it’s hard to go a whole week without having alcohol at least once a day but that’s only a symptom of my social calendar. *batting my lashes innocently.* Oh [...]

A common theme I will be addressing in my articles will be comic books. I will, however, avoid simplicities like raving or complaining about this or that plot turn or new release, but instead try to bring up issues that plague the comic book community; issues revolving around general comic-book-ery if you will. And you [...]

I get extremely offended when a guy tells me I’m hot. To me, “hot” just means some jerk wants to see me naked and mounted on top of him. “Hot” means fuckable. Hot means one night stand. Hot means fuck buddy. Hot means incredible non-committal sex. Hot means forking me.
Cute, on the other hand, is [...]

I have long been a Chuck Palahniuk fan. Ever since Fight Club (the book, not the movie), I’ve been hooked. He has had some missteps here and there (ahem…Diary…), but I remain loyal. Choke is a novel I have read repeatedly. The characters are sharp and his storytelling is at its best, bizarre and attention-grabbing.
When [...]

I’m a pretty liberal guy. I believe whole-heartedly that it is the government’s responsibility to its citizens to do for them what they lack the ability to do for themselves. However, contrary to many hip-liberal types these days, I absolutely love this country and am very proud to call myself an American. Patriotism aside, lets [...]

It was the summer break in 4th grade, I just moved to a new town, and I had zero friends. My best talent at the time was guessing the exact retail price of Halls Lemon Cough Drops, living room sets, and trips to Russia.
“How could he do that?” You are probably thinking to yourself.
I was [...]

Tell me you missed me! Tell me I am the only reason you come on this site! Tell me! Sorry I was MIA for a little while. My wife had a baby. It’s not even mine. Long story. Shut up.
C.H.A Reports:

Newton, or Hooton… or whatever your name is. Meet “Johnny Rockstar.” He is the biggest [...]

A comparison of “The Staff Ride” by William G. Robertson to the trials and tribulations of love.

Fearless Records has announced the latest edition in their Punk Goes series. The forthcoming compilation will be titled Punk Goes Pop 2 and is due out February 17, 2009. Bands on the disc include Alesana, Attack Attack, August Burns Red, Bayside, Breathe Carolina, The Cab, A Day To Remember, Escape The Fate, Four Year Strong, Mayday [...]

Coheed and Cambria have announced plans to release a new box set. The set is titled Neverender: The Children Of The Fence and is due out March 17, 2009. It will document the band’s recent four night/four album performance in which the band performed each of their four albums in their entirety on four consecutive [...]

Playboy is a cultural icon, and I fully recognize the importance of it in the history of sex, women and the evolution and revolution of nude portraiture and, some would say, porn.
That said, Hugh Hefner is getting quite old, and with him, the magazine is beginning to feel a bit dated and left behind. I’m [...]

Usually, I’m a fan of being single. You can eye-fuck anyone you want, flirt like it’s your job, and sleep around as long as you use protection because herpes is disgusting and rampant!
Unfortunately, when the Christmas lights twinkle every corner you turn, the cinnamon and gingerbread aromas overpopulate the air, laughter and happy chit chat [...]