I’m young and I’m stupid. I, myself, have much to learn about dating, but for the sake of my sanity I’ve decided to take a much needed vacay and “man diet” as Bitta calls it. You live and you learn, so I’m going to take this time to learn from my living.

One morning last week I found myself awake at 7am. I didn’t have school and I didn’t have work, but one of my girls decided that she needed a therapy session. It was way too early for me to be awake, but I’ve grown accustomed to picking up my phone at every beck and call, so of course I wasn’t going to leave homegirl hanging.

My girlfriend continued on about how she’s stuck in a pickle with a guy she’s cared about for a long time. Classic! I keep seeing my friends, and my old self, falling for these ridiculous douchebags that just love to make our lives a living hell. So here, I’m going to tell you right now, do not date these guys anymore, or deal with it and suck it up! I know regardless of what I say now, you’ll still do it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

The Best Friend

Oh man!! As much as you may have been completely brainwashed by the television and think that you will end up like Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo in 13 Going On 30, you probably won’t. Even though you’ve known each other for years, and feel like you can tell them anything, that doesn’t always make for good relationships.

Sometimes it’s nice to meet someone after all your shitty hookups and “learning experiences.” Although you may think that they will be able to look past your mistakes and flaws, chances are in the back of their minds the thought of how you whored yourself out in high school will be engraved in their mind forever. If they know about how you cheated on your ex while you were partying in Cancun, even better. People can get hurt from anything, and the past doesn’t always stay in the past.

Even if he claims he’s over it, he might be but sometimes that only lasts until the next fight. We’re all good at acting immature. It takes a high level of maturity to get over things like that, but what the other person doesn’t realize is that had those events not happened, you wouldn’t be where you are now.

Dating someone that eventually becomes your best friend is a little different. I see it as finding each other at the end of the road, after you’ve gone on your journey and trekked through the storm, sleet, and snow and its time to start on a new path with some good company.

Best friend dating is a 50/50 type thing. Keep your fingers crossed, but keep in mind that once it goes sour you could lose your best friend for good.

The Big City Hot Shot

I’ve met too many of your types before. I’ve dated too many of them too. These are the guys that think money can buy happiness. I’ll try to keep this one short and sweet: dating guys that think they can drop some green for you to stick around isn’t worth your time.

If you’re only down for a sugar daddy then you’re set, otherwise chances are these guys are screwing you and everyone else because they think they can. Take it from a girl that dated someone who had money, cars, good looks, and an amazing life… There’s more to life than glitz and glamour. Men, even though you can buy dinner and everything our materialistic little hearts desire, you still can’t buy class.

The Boss

Everyone gets turned on by someone who has their shit together, but falling for your boss is probably one of the crappiest situations you can get yourself into. Yes, it’s okay to be completely attracted to him or her, but for the sake of your job, leave it be or get the fuck out of the office. Interoffice dating puts your job, as well as their’s at risk.

Screwing your boss shouldn’t give you any ounce of cockiness. Nobody likes a girl that fucks her way to the top of the totem pole. Save your self respect and grow some class, or hook up with the Big City Hot Shot and you can both find class together!

If you’re mature adults then fix your situation. Forget the thrill of possibly getting caught, find yourself another job and have that extra weight lifted off your shoulders. Enjoy sexytime all the time OUTSIDE of the office; at least you can rest assured your job will still be secured.

If he has a wife and kids, shame on you. Even though you can’t help who you like, you can control the precious lives and relationships you could potential destroy. Don’t be a homewrecking husband stealer. You probably aren’t his only office bitch. He probably won’t leave his wife, or the others for you.

The Cheater

Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you want to take that risk then do it. If you help a guy cheat on his girlfriend, he’ll probably you cheat on you too. Once guys get a taste of what’s in the cookie jar, they’ll keep coming back for the crumbs until a new batch of cookies pops out of the oven. Fool you once, shame on him, fool you twice, shame on you. Fool you three times, then you’re an idiot. Get a dog and quit falling for the dogs you keep dating.

The Male Version of You

Just because you’ve found a guy that’s into the same things as you doesn’t mean that it’s meant to be. Granted, you might have tons of fun with him, but  if your personalities are exactly the same, you might fight because you’re both stubborn, easily frustrated, or whatever same characteristics that don’t seem to mix well when multiplied by two.

Think of your relationship as the yin yang symbol. You need a little white in the black and black in the white. His calming ways might sooth your impatient temper.

Diversity always helps to spice things up. If you know what he likes and it’s not what you’re particularly fond of, give it a chance. Celebrate your differences, and embrace them. Do the same with your similarities, but more importantly, see each other for who they are as their own individual person.

You can agree to disagree with me on these, and I know each story is different. I hate to admit it but with most of these, it’s a “been there, done that” type of thing. It’s no fun when you end up alone, but take each failed relationship as a learning experience.