There are three things that go through a woman’s head after a break-up: What the hell just happened? That was a waste of time. And, where is my vibrator?

Shake your head in disbelief if you must, but at least one of you out there is nodding your head in agreement.

There are several unofficial polls that state what percentage of females are using vibrators. One sourced that “86% of women polled use vibrators (mind you this could be just MySpace women).” Obviously this pollster equates girls on MySpace to sluts. Uh-oh, for me. But regardless, 86%? Yep, I can believe that.

Especially if you’ve been initiated.

I mean, you have to be initiated. It’s not like you just say to yourself one day, “Think I’ll buy myself a vibrator.” No. Something big has to happen. A devastating break-up, a milestone birthday, a marker in life that makes your vibrating predecessors, the ones who have come before you (pun intended, sometimes it’s just too easy) say, “This is the day things change.”

You go and peruse the aisles of flavored lubricants and furry handcuffs and before you know it, you’re face to face with the wall of vibrators. Entranced and perhaps overwhelmed by all the different colors, shapes and sizes (all tailored to fit your specific needs), your friends make their recommendations, and then just like that, you find the one perfect for you.

It is in the days following this purchase, that you begin to realize, this just might have been the relationship you’d been looking for because:

1. It does not forsake you. Batteries (and boys) may leave you high and dry, but vibrators are there for your satisfaction any time, day or night.

2. It helps you realize your potential. If you just got out of a mediocre or worse, sexless relationship, a vibrator can revitalize your inner seductress and find out just exactly what works for you.

3. It helps you regain confidence, as the only person you have to please is yourself.

4. It is always ready and willing. No interruptions. Rarely, a technical difficulty. And you still get to take up the whole bed.

5. It displays no pretenses. You don’t have to wonder if it’s the right decision. It is.

So whether you’re waiting for your initiation or on the brink of a needed vibrator intervention, for the moment, enjoy an uncomplicated relationship that is purely, blissfully all you.

• Kiss & Tell