Are you unhappy in your relationship? Needs not being met? Are you sick of how your boyfriend treats you, or maybe doesn’t treat you? Is your relationship a secret? Is he not willing to commit?
If the red flags of a dead-end relationship are screaming out to you, then it might be time to cut your losses and get out of the “minor leagues” so you can start dating in the “major leagues”. Cutting your losses refers to the realization that you’re in a relationship that’s going absolutely nowhere and then doing something about it.
After three years of the single life, I’ve found myself cutting my losses many times. Sometimes I really liked the guy. Other times I didn’t. In either case scenario, cutting my losses involved five simple steps that anyone can take.
Step One: Admit defeat. They say that the first step to solving a problem is to first admit that you even have a problem. Sometimes, the first step can be the most difficult step to take. Some people stay in unsatisfactory relationships because they fear being alone or because it’s comfortable. For others, like myself, the thought of starting over with someone new can be downright frightening, especially after you’ve already invested the time going through that whole awkward getting-to-know-you phase.
Whatever the circumstances might be for you, you might be in complete denial of the fact that your relationship has no apparent future. In order to cut your losses, you have to first get past this minor hurdle and admit defeat already. What’s the point in being in a relationship with someone if it has no growth potential?
Step Two: Take action steps. Once you’re able to admit that you have lost in this particular game of love, you are officially ready to start taking action steps. This means creating an exit strategy, or a get-out plan. If you can handle it, you can always go cold-turkey, but for some, relationships can be like a drug; you get so addicted to them that it’s almost impossible to go cold-turkey on a relationship you’ve grown so comfortable with despite its apparent failure. I suggest you stop hanging out as much and limit your contact. If you’re living together, start looking for a new place and save up so you can move out.
Step Three: Build a web of support. Whatever your actions steps are, share your get-out plan with a few close friends who will be sure to keep you on track. Your friends will help you move on. They’ll help keep you busy. They’ll help you look for a new place and move out. They’ll offer you their couch if need be. They’ll screen your phone calls and messages. They’ll even help you with minor relapses when you want to screw the plan and go back to being in denial about the state of your dead-end relationship. This is probably the most important step of all. You need a solid web of support to help you with the next step.
Step Four: Stick to the plan. Whatever you do, stick to the plan. When you sense that you are deviating from the plan, refer to your web of support to help keep you on track.
Step Five: Get a hobby. Seriously. Instead of being depressed about being single again and having to start over with someone new, embrace your newfound freedom to do the things that actually make you happy. Take up scrap booking. Take out your aggression at the batting cages. Start a journal documenting your recovery. Join a sports team. Something. Anything. If you’re lucky, you might stumble upon someone with your same interests who is actually worth your time. A hobby just might lead you to a better relationship with someone in the “major leagues” so it definitely can’t hurt the recovery process.
Follow these five simple steps and you’ll be well on your way to cutting your losses and moving on to a richer, more satisfying relationship.
Niki Payne is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, Calif. You can follow her on Twitter @nikipayne or become a Facebook fan.
*Originally posted Oct. 16, 2009 at Examiner.com.
