It seems a common theme for my family to accuse me of being an alcoholic. I admit, I do drink quite frequently. In fact, some weeks it’s hard to go a whole week without having alcohol at least once a day but that’s only a symptom of my social calendar. *batting my lashes innocently.* Oh come on! Get off your high horse! If I’m meeting an old friend or colleague after work, drinks are simply a normal part of social decorum. Yes, I suppose coffee or tea would suffice but most happy hour places fail to specialize in said drink option. Plus, if drinks thereby turn to dinner, how selfish and inconsiderate of me to make my dinner companion drink alone!

My cousin claims I am a true alcoholic since I know what a man-shot is. … but who doesn’t?

Snort the salt, slug the tequila shot, spritz the lime in your eye …  Loads of fun I tell you! The irony is this so called cousin is also the person who introduced me to my first alcoholic beverage.

My relationship officially started with a Midori Sour. It dried out my throat so I moved onto Sex on the Beach. I’ve never been fond of pink (I’m more of a purple girl) so that fling ended soon after. I don’t remember what came next but in the course of my alcoholic relationship but I do recall trying numerous buttery nipples and blow jobs. Mmmm… so creamy. I’ve encountered a red-headed slut but who doesn’t love a red-head for one night? Surfer on acid…. ahh, a straw makes it go down so much quicker! Kamikaze and adios mo’ fo acquainted me with black out nights where I awakened in a frenzy wondering who took my bra off. Oh yeah… I don’t like sleeping with it on.

Oh yes, what a tumultuous relationship alcohol and I have had! At age 19, I was naive and shooting whiskey and chasing with beer. At 20, I was Corona for life because it tastes soo good with barbecued ribs! At 21, we saki-bombed like it was our job. At 22, company happy hours introduced me to patron shots. At 23, I resorted to two-buck chuck. At 24, I fell in love with apple martinis. At 25, someone introduced me to rum and diet coke and skinny bitch was on the loose. At 26 (or present day).. I am what some may call an alcoholic slut. You see, some days… I might feel like wine while other days, saki or a margarita might suffice. And most often, I have all of the above in one night.

“WOW, Bitta, you’re an alcohol slut!” …… yeah, well at least I’m getting some!

It is all relative. You see, my friends… they are huge alcoholics … and some even drink alone every night. To date, I have only done that once! .. well, counting tonight maybe twice – but if it’s not an entire bottle of wine, it doesn’t count. Again, all relative!

Here’s to that. CHEERS! OPA! BOTTOMS UP! GAN-BEI!