Dear Single White Female,
I really like the girl I’m dating, but I feel a little insecure about my lack of disposable income. I can’t shower her with gifts, expensive dinners, and flowers every day as I’d like to. How do I make her feel like she’s the most important person in the world without spending a ton of money?
- Hopeless Broke Man
Dear H.B.M.,
Before we start, I’m going to assume your girl isn’t a shallow, superficial twit, or she probably would have dumped your ass long ago because of your lack of funds. But since you’re still dating, we shall proceed.
There are an infinite amount of ways to show a girl you care about her without diamonds and dinners at the Ritz.
One of the most thoughtful and touching ways to let anyone know you think the world of her is a handwritten love letter, which speaks volumes over a designer handbag. Showing your girl you took the time out of your day to write down all the things you love about her, how awesome she makes you feel, etc. will melt her heart. If you’re not the sentimental poetic type, then expand your horizons and try anyways. The end results are worth the effort.
Another simple way to make your girl feel paramount is to secretly do some of her chores, or errands, you know she hates. Does your girl despise picking up the dry cleaning? Do it for her, without telling her. Take out her trash. Replace the light bulb in her living room. By spontaneously helping your girl out, she’ll know you’re always thinking of her, and how to make her life a little easier.
As for dinner dates, a nice dinner doesn’t have to be at a restaurant. Prepare a homemade spread and take your date on a picnic. (If you don’t cook, pick up your girl’s favorite take-out food). Even in urban areas, there are beautiful and romantic (and free) outdoor locations to watch the sunset over a bottle of wine and a meal: the Charles River Esplanade in Boston, the High Line and Central Park in New York City, and the Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, just to name a few places. Cooking a meal and planning a fun surprise outing is a wonderful way to show your girl how special she is to you.
These simple yet thoughtful gestures can be applied to both males and females. Everyone likes reassurance that they are the most important person to their significant other.
Editorial Note: The SWF is by no means bashing gift-giving in a relationship. If you have the means to take your girlfriend shopping every week, by all means, do it. Presents are great; however, they are not the only ways to show you care!
Author: Liv
Comments
Dear SWF,
I love taking it up the butt, but do you recommend cucumbers (not pickles, they burn my insides) or zucchinis? I know you know which one is best, because you have told me on one occasion or another, I just can’t seem to remember.
Thanks,
Fabulous Gay Tirade
Dear FGT,
I would NEVER recommend putting food objects anywhere but inside your mouth. That’s just asking for a nasty rash and a trip to the emergency room. Stick to vibrators and dildos!!
Love,
SWF
Dear Single White Female,
I want to do anal with my girlfriend, but she’s not down. How can I convince her to at least try it?!
Joey
Dear Joey,
This could be a “deal breaker”. If a girl is hell-bent on not trying anal, there’s no changing her mind. Anal doesn’t feel good for girls, and many girls fear the disgusting physical problems that can accompany anal; the only reason why most girls do it is to please their men. Do you really want to put her through the agony of anal penetration? If anal sex is that important to you, I suggest you find a dude.
Love,
SWF
Dear SWF,
What do I not know about the feminine species? That is the better question.
Love,
k
Dear Kent,
You don’t know anything about the female species. You will try to know, but you will never.
Here are some tips that might make your life relating to females a little easier:
- We just want to be loved and adored and appreciated.
- We want to know we are the center of your world.
- Be nice to us when we have our periods or are going through menopause.
- Be honest with us, NO MATTER WHAT. We might cry, we might yell, and you might hurt us, but it’s better than us finding out on our own you’re a liar, heroine addict, etc.
- Never tell us a secret you REALLY DON’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. Females will ALWAYS tell someone else, whether it is her mom, gay best friend, cousin, or other girl she meets drunk at a bar.
Good luck!!
Love,
SWF
Dear SWF:
I recently met a really cool girl and I think that she likes me too. But I am embarrassed because my parents are groovy-hippy types who think they are still 20 yrs old and they listen to the Grateful Dead and wear tie-dyed clothing. I love them but they are in another time zone. My new girlfriend (I hope!) works at a bank. She may even be a Republican. What can I do to ease the introduction process?
Terence, who wears loafers and button-down shirts
Dear SWF:
I like the Dropkick Murphys and my girlfriend likes singers like Rihanna. This is causing major stress. Whenever she turns on the CD player I want to jam pencils into my ears. What should I do?
Roger from Southie
Dear SWF:
Last night my girlfriend asked me if she should lose five pounds. I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other so I said “yes, you probably should.” She got mad and now she won’t talk to me. What a dope I was! But should I have lied to her? Why did she ask me if she didn’t want a sincere answer?
Bewildered in Brighton
Dear SWF,
My girlfriend wants to provide like a mother and still be pampered like a baby. Is this a battle going on between her conscious and subconscious minds?
-Man on Earth
Dear Terence,
Ease her into the introduction by dropping hints about your parents’ tie-dye lovin’ ways, and gauge her response. If she likes you enough, she’ll be totally cool about your rents or at least find them mildly amusing. However, if she can’t accept your parents, as Liz Lemon would say: “DEAL BREAKER!” Maybe you’re not thinking of marrying this girl, but I know I’d be totally uncool with someone I’m dating not digging the two people that brought me into this world.
Love,
SWF
Dear Roger,
This could be the end of your relationship, I hate to tell you. Have you tried introducing her to your taste in music? Have you nicely and gently mentioned you hate Rihanna with the passion of a thousand burning suns, and would rather bodily harm yourself than listen? Perhaps you can find a middle ground – some pop punk hybrid, or soothing classical music. Otherwise, your options are:
1. Suffer through this. Is your girl worth it?
2. Listen to nothing.
3. Break up with her.
Love,
SWF
Dear Man on Earth,
You’re reading too much into this. Not a battle. There is no battle. She clearly wants the best of both worlds. Are you willing to give that to her?
Love,
SWF
Dear SWF,
My gf of two years left me this fall to find herself and figure out how to love herself more. It has been six months and I am still completely in love with her. We now live in different parts of the country and she has a new bf. Is there anything I can do or is it stupid of me to still love her?
Hamlet
Dear Hamlet,
Ahhh the tragedy. In finding herself, she found someone new. I know it’s easy for me to say, but don’t take this personally – in self-exploration, people inevitably realize their romantic needs or wants might be different.
There isn’t much to be done. Have you tried telling her you feel this way? If not, maybe email her or write her a letter. Unless you two talk on the phone regularly, I wouldn’t call her – too much pressure. However, if you’ve already done this and she is firmly moved on, you must do the same. Holding on to the chance that maybe someday you two will get back together will hold YOU back from living, and maybe even finding The One.
Love,
SWF
Awesome!!