By Manuel Carrillo III

I’ve been reading newspaper articles profiling the impact of budget cuts on public universities. There are a lot of kids with eyebrows low on their faces because they can’t get the classes they need to graduate “on time”.

What is it with kids and their hurry to graduate college? They’re bound for the unemployment line immediately after commencement. The attitude of yore was “hurry up and make money”. Now the attitude is “hurry up and wait”.

Imagine catching a ride on a speeding train – its destination: the side of a bitter, pissed-off mountain. The mountain is the job market. The speeding train is full of kids in a hurry to graduate.

Kids: do yourselves a favor and step onto another train. Realize the beauty of your situation. Yeah, school sucks, but it beats getting hurled upon the real world only to find yourself sitting in obscurity as a useless educated person.

The fact of the matter is the workforce doesn’t need young, qualified individuals joining the “prestigious” workforce ranks. At least not right now (and what I’m about to say is such a tired cliché) in these troubled economic times.

All your life you’ve been hearing older folks vomiting the three words “stay in school”. They’re not just uttering those words to hear themselves vomit all over you.

My former boss, Jack Silver said it best: “The real world sucks!” Most of the time people have heard the advice, “stay in school” it wasn’t during a depression or recession. But while the economy takes a smoke break, this advice is most valuable. Heed it.

It’s really not that bad when you think that a couple more years in school will get you into the real world just in time for a major resurgence of employment. Plus, school gives you valuable face time with the opposite sex as opposed to having to spend money going to bars and coffee shops.

So what have we learned? Stay in school and you’ll get laid for less cash. Plenty of sex will help alleviate the stress of not getting the classes you need.