It really irks me when people who seem to THINK that they know me, JUDGE me. When people who do NOT know me, somehow JUMP to a conclusion that I choose to be single. That I somehow am DIFFICULT and make it HARD for men to WANT me as their girlfriend. And that I somehow MAKE myself single.

Let’s flashback to college. For those who knew me then, I was in a LONG-TERM relationship. In fact, I thought I would be married by now and have a bun in the oven and five kids before 37. I was a good girlfriend. I shared, I cared, I prepared and I loved. I loved with all my heart and every fiber in me. And even when things were getting rough, I stuck through it. But in the end… SHIT HAPPENS and shit happened.

When you least expect it, you may not be IN LOVE anymore. When you least expect it, you may have FALLEN out of love. When you least expect it, comfortable and convenient are NOT okay anymore. When you least expect it, your so-called LOVING boyfriend has fallen for someone else. When you least expect it, SHIT HAPPENS.

Armed with that understanding, I do not trust easily anymore. I do not willing give my heart to anyone and in fact, I probably do find myself easily attracted to men who are unavailable and unattainable .. because this way, my heart will be cradled in bubble wrap. This way, when that bubble wrap is pierced with a knife, I’ll know I deserved it but still be shielded. This way, when a guy dumps me, at least I’ll know it was coming and go looking for a tougher bubble wrap to protect myself. And last but not least, this way, I only need to trust my family, my friends and myself. Because going through the type of SHIT HAPPENs, self-pity festival and why me? bullshit over and over again.. is not worth it. On top of all that, knowing myself and knowing that I’d settle and be eagerly submissive with changing myself for a man (who may or may not deserve my time, attention and love) makes me NOT want a man right now.

Until I find out who I am, I am not ready for anyone else to be a part of me. I am not ready for US, I am not ready for OUR family outings and I am not ready for WE time. But until then.. I do not need YOU judging me. So put aside your judgment and let me be. Don’t tell me it’s me. It’s life and it sucks but we deal because it’s getting through the obstacles that define us… not the easy shit. Hard shit – bring it on. I’m ready