Usually, I’m a fan of being single. You can eye-fuck anyone you want, flirt like it’s your job, and sleep around as long as you use protection because herpes is disgusting and rampant!

Unfortunately, when the Christmas lights twinkle every corner you turn, the cinnamon and gingerbread aromas overpopulate the air, laughter and happy chit chat and “oh it’s so good to see you” and “ohh it’s time to give on the holidays” happy go-lucky spirit of the holidays is ubiquitous, and the malls become a chaotic battlefield for shopping mayhem… I feel myself standing still in that one moment and thinking WTF MATE.. where is my special someone who should be buying ginger lattes with me, strolling through the fake snow at the grove, holding my hands with cute gloves on, offering his coat to me when I say I’m kind of cold despite my three layers of shirts plus a big jacket, whispering sweet nothings into my ear of how we’ll be spending our holiday together cuddling in front of the fireplace?!?!

Yeah, on one point I don’t have to buy anyone gifts but where are my fucking gifts?

Yeah, on one hand I won’t be going on as many holiday vacations and devouring myself with extra unwanted fat and calories but the gym is lonely on the holidays!

On the other hand I don’t have to deal with multiple families and all the bullshit that comes with your significant others on the holidays but what if I fucking want to?!

Don’t get me wrong. Being single is not really a big deal when you have to go to all the family functions to hang with your relatives. Oh wait, yes it is. Especially when they’re all married or in serious relationship and you’re the fucking 13th wheel. Oh, and when you get questions of when are you getting married? Shouldn’t you be in a serious relationship by now? Hey dipshit…you think I don’t understand the concept of marriage or know that you have to be in a relationship before it can happen?

Friends are even worse. I mean they’re great in the sense that they’re your friends and they care about you and it’s so much amazing fun to see everyone and catch up – but then when the questions turn into – tell us about your single life so we can live vicariously through you… yeah, fuck you too.

Yeah.. so umm in case you didn’t get the memo, I’m pretty bitter right about now. And I am NOT excited about the holidays.