Hey there kiddies, let’s take a trip down the aisle. Maybe we can get there early enough to grab a sweet seat right in the middle. Just make sure to avoid the gum on the arm rest…and seat…and floor…HOW THE FUCK DOES GUM GET EVERYWHERE?!!!
Anyway let’s get the to movie of which I shall be reviewing. Let me warn you ahead of time…this movie is Awesomely Horrible! There will be spoilers (like anyone gives a damn). Oh and it’s from 2004!
Black Cloud
IMDB Info
Title: Black Cloud
Writer/Director: Rick Schroder..that’s right..lil’ Sliver Spoons Ricky Schroder.
Tagline: “There comes a time in a man’s life……you either stand or you run.”
Synopsis: Black Cloud, is an inspirational story about a young Navajo, Native American boxer, who overcomes personal challenges as he comes to terms with his heritage, while fighting his way for a spot on the US Olympic boxing team.
Actual Review Summary:
Let me start out by saying that I saw this movie on “My Network TV” which used to be “UPN”, that should tell you something in the first place. OK, so we start out with Black Cloud kicking Ricky Schroder’s character Eddie…who is a cowboy…Indian beating up a cowboy how edgy. So Black Cloud straight up beats the living shit out of Eddie and sends him to the hospital. Then Black Cloud kicks some black guys ass in the boxing ring. Peter Greene’s character Norm Olsen is a boxing promoter who wants to get Black Cloud in the ring to fight for a chance to be on the Olympic Boxing Team, but Black Cloud doesn’t want to cause he hates the white man. From this point on Black Cloud begins?a rather quick descent into alcoholism..get it, cause he’s Native American. While in this drunken stupor he gets pulled over by the Sheriff played by none other than Tim McGraw…THE ULTIMATE MODERN DAY COWBOY. While drunk Black Cloud goes on this tirade about how when he was little he used to watch John Wayne murder all the injuns and how he would pretend to kill them too…Until….He realized that he is one of them…and that is when he realized that he hated the white man…beautiful….Then Black Cloud gets his shit back together, fights his bottle demons and starts training for the Olympic Trials. So Black Cloud is healthy and back on track and out one night bowling?with his best friend. When he decides to go take a piss. Then in walks Eddie completely healed from hospital…NOT ONE FRICKEN SCAR…With Eddie is a few of his cowboy friends, who proceed to kick the shit out of Black Cloud…cowboys beating up Indian…classic…Then Black Cloud’s friend comes in and starting beating the cowboys who start to disperse, and Black cloud is lying in his friends arms having almost been drowned, when from around the corner Eddie pops back up and SHANKS Black Cloud’s friend in the neck with a broken bottle….WTF. Lucky for him he didn’t die and makes it safely to the hospital. The movie ends with Black Cloud beating the crap out of the champion guy at the Olympic Trials. But not?before getting knocked down a few times and going on a Vision Quest to visit his dead mother in Native American heaven.
So all in all Black Cloud is pretty much the funniest Native American Boxing movie I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen them all believe me. It’s pretty much the Native American Version of “Rocky” which is a good thing, and a bad thing. Mostly because “Rocky is essentially the greatest boxing movie of all time and this movie on made 1.2 million, which is actually pretty good for an independent Native American boxing movie written by a white former child actor.
I give Black Cloud 3 Neaves outta 5.
