I work for a government Archive and my newest assignment is to catalog bound annual editions of The Fog Horn, a newspaper that was published by the now-extinct Letterman General Hospital during its lifetime. As I’ve been combing through these moldy old volumes, I found a piece that’s a real gem, and proof that women haven’t come very far in the minds of men when all is said and done. I pulled this out of the Editorial section of the Saturday, May 30, 1942 edition of The Fog Horn:

Blonde Or Brunette

Some psychologists say blondes have a tendency to night-blindness and also that despite their carefree exteriors their suicide rate is higher than amongst brunettes. But don’t let her hair ever worry you. Look at her soul. That’s the source of real joy. Don’t be misled by a grinning super-charged Hollywood exterior. If her soul is at real peace and she is sure of herself–and of you, she won’t commit suicide.

Brunettes have to powder their nose more, ’tis said, and have by actual count 1/3 fewer hairs than blondes although their hair is stronger, hence will stand much more hair-pulling than blonde or red heads, without coming out in a hair-pulling out bout. The blonde has a harder time choosing clothes that won’t clash, hence the brunette may become more careless.

But finally they say blondes and brunettes are on a a par as far as temperament, and moods, character, and fidelity are concerned so you’re right back where you started. Hence, pick your wife for the color of her soul. That determines her actions and reactions; good and bad actions.

Shall I translate? Blondes aren’t necessarily more fun and you can yank on the brunette’s hair as hard as your little heart desires (a-wink) so go for the safe choice and pass up the starlet for that little philly you can lead around by the mane. Oh… but we must stress that it’s VERY important to pick a wife for other reasons, deeper reasons such as the beautiful color of her personage; it’s what’s on the inside that truly counts. I know, it’s laughable to throw that in as a caveat after all that’s been said, right? Truly a nice cover. And let’s not forget that this editor is speaking scientifically and one cannot argue with science. [Please not the thickly applied sarcasm]

Honestly: humans have evolved little since the 1940s. Did I say humans? I think I meant men. Are you feelin’ me, ladies?