Dear Loyal Readers of The Neave Online Publication,
I am writing this letter on a dark, windy night from the middle of nowhere. I write not as an elder, but as one of your peers. I write to you of Love.
We have been taught by example that Love is fleeting, that the heart is fickle. If you’ve survived the nasty split of your parents – or worse, watched them stay together on miserable terms – it is hard not to be cynical about marriage, or about relationships in general. How many couples can we look to as shining beacons of light and hope? Most seem so tragically cliché. They make monogamy look like monotony. Anyone with half a brain would run screaming from such a fate.
But fuck them.
Fuck every couple who has contributed to the downfall of fairytales. Fuck the cheating, nagging, controlling, abusing, unappreciative, lazy, selfish, unimaginative, boring, smothering, co-dependent, and all-around dysfunctional schmucks who couldn’t get it right. I’m here to tell you it can be different.
Any asshole can experience infatuation. You know – butterflies, sweaty palms, feeling your heart skip a beat at the very thought of Whomever. As fun as all of that is, lives are destroyed when infatuation is mistaken for Love. People get swept away and rush into big decisions like marriage and creating children…only to get hit by the reality of their non-compatibility shortly thereafter, which is when things start to fall apart.
Love is what happens when two people look each other in the eyes and realize they no longer need to hide. The more they share, the closer they become. When bumps appear in the road, they help each other over the roughness and reach the other side even stronger and more united than before. They maintain their independent interests and separate friendships and continue to grow as individuals, benefitting as a couple in the process because self-sufficiency is sexy.
Still, they make the other person feel needed. Feelings and opinions are shared with consideration for each other, but honesty is always at the forefront. Mutual respect grows. Both strive to make the other proud. There is so much common ground, but enough differences to keep things interesting. They have their own goofy language and terminology and inside jokes. Laughter is ever-present and uplifting. They are best friends.
As for monogamy…
Love enriches sex. Physical attraction is crucial to the success of any couple, but when two people have True Love, they work even harder to stay healthy and outwardly appealing to their mate. They make sure the other person always feels wanted and desired. Variety, attitude, and enthusiasm never wane. Attraction deepens. The fantasy is reality, and reality is the fantasy. It is one of the most important ways to bond and connect (so to speak), giving and receiving pleasures that are far beyond anything you could experience with a “casual partner.” With absolute trust, the sky is the limit. As strange as it sounds, there is an exquisite freedom born from being committed to someone you truly Love…both in and out of bed.
I am writing this because I want you to know that it’s possible to fall deeper and deeper in Love with the same person, day after day. Long after sweaty palms and stomach somersaults, you will feel humbled by Love’s ability to change your whole perspective on the world as you once knew it. You will look more beautiful without makeup. You will feel a sense of quiet confidence and strength that comes from knowing someone loves “the real you” more than anything else in the whole world. You will be the best version of yourself. You will desperately want to create spawn together in order to see the tangible form of your Love…and then quickly back-pedal, willing to reconsider having kids at all for fear that they will wreck everything. You will go to great lengths to make an ass of yourself, just to be rewarded with the laughter of the person you would kill and die for.
Before you can experience such wonders, however, you have to love yourself. Seriously. You have to feel as though a relationship is the last thing in the world you could possibly want, as you feel so completely whole on your own. Relish your independence. Answer to no one. Have fun, but take excellent care of yourself and focus on pursuing your dreams. Then, and only then, will you be presented with the opportunity to add another excellent human being to the equation. Resist. Love enjoys a struggle and prefers to be the pursuant. Refuse to recognize what it might become. It will unfold nonetheless and defy every jaded prick who spouted their anti-love agenda into your ear.
I don’t believe in much. We’re pretty much born to die, and if you’re reading this, it means you’re alive during a very tumultuous time in what will become human history. Knowing this, plenty of people say “fuck it” and choose the live-fast-die-young route. Others cling to organized religion like superstitious fools, following archaic rituals “just in case.” The rest of us attempt to fill our lives with meaning by following our dreams, desperately needing to leave our mark on a world that won’t even exist someday.
So what’s the point?
I’m not sure. With all of the outlandish theories that exist, though, is it any crazier to think that we’re here to experience Love? As elusive as it seems, Love is the Holy Grail sought out above all else by the human heart. I can’t help feeling like it’s one of the few things that makes life worth living. You don’t have to believe in God, but please dare to believe in Love…everlasting, transcendent, otherworldly Love.
And if you are fortuitous enough to attain it, remember: always shit with the bathroom door closed. A little mystery goes a long way.
Yours truly,
~Britt Warner~
