Yours truly went on a date recently. I had high expectations because our conversations leading up to the date had been witty and superfluous (but were online). Although, to be fair, the first time I met him … no spark, no “oh he’s cute” and basically no interest. So… why did I think I could become interested later on? Well… he was pretty cute in his facebook photos and I’m an equal opportunist despite him not meeting my height requirement of 6′ or my age requirement of over 28. So… in a bored state of … hmmm maybe I could like him… I hit on him. He asked me out and we went out.

On the way to the hockey game that he had gotten us lower level tickets for (plus 1 point), we stopped by a bar and grabbed a drink (plus 1 point) and a bite (plus 1 point) to eat. Literally, a BITE (minus 1 point). Although I wasn’t hungry, he ordered a plate of sliders and told me I could have 1 slider and he’d have 2 (minus 1 point). I didn’t take offense to that… but if I’m not hungry, it might have been nicer to just graze on fries or nachos. Whatever… conversation ensued, blah blah… why was I so dis-interested already? Could I fake a stomach ache and go home now? That’s mean, Bitta. Just go with the flow and see how it goes.

The game was fun (plus 1 point). We talked throughout it (plus 1 point) – but no spark (minus 1 point). It was like watching a game with a friend (minus 1 point). He didn’t do anything wrong, though (plus 1 point)… so I wasn’t about to just write him off. I could give him a chance. He talked about his past relationships and there were some weird situations that made me cringe over and over. What was that sensation in my stomach? Disgust or … oh right, hunger! I got sooo hungry during the game. But he didn’t ask if I was hungry and though I should have interupted him and gone to get myself a bite to eat… I sat there and listened to him drone on about his ex-girlfriend he met online. I’m not judging – I’ve gone out with guys I’ve met online… but then again, I’ve never started a relationship with them!

The game went into overtime. Dammit. How many more bathroom breaks and text messaging my friends on the side could I endure? Finally, it ended with an anti-climatic score from the visiting team. Whatever, at least I could get some grub now. We walked out… still talking… I don’t recall about what because my mind was elsewhere. Is he going to ask me if I’m hungry? Nope. (minus 1 point) Ohh… my friends were having a birthday gathering and might have some leftover food… they live in my complex so maybe I can just drag him there and avoid anymore alone time. Ding ding ding…. score!

My date informs me I have to give him a ride to the nearest train later (minus 1 point). It’s close by, he tells me. About 19 miles. That is not fucking close. I smile and graciously agree. We get to the train station at precisely 12:17. The station looks empty. He asks if I can wait while he checks to see if the last train, which he noted would be at 12:30, has left yet.

Here is where the questions gathered. WHY did I not drive off? WHY did I not tell him to take a cab if the last train had left? WHY did I stick around? WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

He walks back… politely informs me that the last train has left and kinda just shrugs unsure what to do next (minus infinity points). In case you are wondering what the points tracked are… he is infinity losing.

“So should I give you a ride back?” I ask. “Yeah, I don’t what else to do,” he replies. GET A FUCKING CAB, YOU ASSHOLE! CALL A FRIEND, IDIOT!!! I’m not so great about expressing my true emotions because at that point I agreed and with that, I was off on an adventure of a lifetime, driving my date home for 50 miles and back alone by myself.

In my defense, I did it so I could write him off. He had done nothing wrong up until then and I had not been attracted to him up until then. But now… now I had the appropriate ammunition to ignore him forever. And now, I was not the bitch. I was just the “sucker” that gave him a ride home. And to add insult to injury, after dropping him off, he texted me … “thanks for the ride sucker!”…. if that’s supposed to be funny, I missed the humor in it.