They say, “Don’t drink and drive,” but they should also be warning people not to drink and text message. If you’re too drunk to drive, hopping behind the wheel isn’t a good idea, and that’s when you cab it home. But what happens when you’re so belligerently trashed that you bust out that blackberry and you’re lashing out on your ex, your mother, or even your boss?
There are many types of drunks. Whatever your poison may be, sometimes it’s nice to just get some alcohol in your system and have a good time, but partying too much can lead to very bad decision making. If you’re the emotional drunk, chances are you will be drunk dialing or texting your ex, or the guy that you like telling him how he’s a flaming imbecile. If you’re violent, you may end up getting into some sort of confrontation.
Who hasn’t drunk texted or dialed someone? Back in my day, when I was a little clubber and Hollywood was the place to party, I was a serial drunk texter, and yes it did get me into trouble on many occasions. That was usually the time that I was confessing my heart out to some douchebag, then in my sober state I was wishing I never had and it was a major “WTF did I do?!” moment.
Drunk texting and dialing is the funniest thing to receive, although it usually occurs between the hours of 1am and 5am. When you’re off in Lalaland about to score that major hottie you’ve been chasing in your dream, you find yourself so rudely interrupted by that annoying ringtone you wish you never bought.
Ah, to pick up not to pick up? Jennifer is calling and it’s 3 in the fucking morning– on a Tuesday! She could either be on the side of the road and needs some sort of help, getting herself into trouble with some douchebag, or just calling to say hi because she misses you oh so much.
Whatever the case may be, you pick up the phone because you don’t want to be a bad friend. You have to admit, it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of you when they’re toasted off their rocker.
“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Hi hi hi hi hi!”
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything is FAB-U-LOUS! I MISS YOU. WHERE ARE YOU? I’M DRUNK. ARE YOU SLEEPING?”
“Dude it’s 3:12, what the hell is going on?”
“I’M SOOOOOOO DRUNK! COME OUT. PLEASE? I MET THIS GUY AT THE BAR…”
Of course little miss lush is too drunk to take care of herself and based on poor judgment either wakes up with a killer hangover, in bed next to a man her father’s age, laying in her own puke, or a dirty combination of the 3. Either way, it was a bad night and drinking has thrown Jennifer’s morals out the window.
Last night I found myself writing drunk text messages and bulletins, and leaving strange voice mails. I do it, you do it, we all do it; guilty as charged. It’s a beautiful experience to look back on year from now, one that connects us together by the bond of alcohol. This morning I woke up in my bed with my 2 puppies and leftover Carls Jr. It was great! As for my morals, I was a good girl, but damn, my random drunk bulletin writing was beautiful!
With these type of things you’ve gotta just laugh it off. You’re young, you only live once, drink responsibly. As long as you’re staying off the road when you’re highly intoxicated, keep the drunk texting and dialing to a minimum.
**For the record, I’d like to take this time to publicly apologize to those who I’ve drunk dialed and texted. I’m sorry for writing strange emotional bulletins and confessing my secrets when I was under the influence of alcohol. I’m sorry. I love you.
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