Whenever I revise my resume, I always think of the things I could put on there but don’t. Yes, I understand that a resume is meant to show my work experience, skills and relevancy to the job I am applying for; however, I think there should be a special spot that lists the hot mess of people and situations that I’ve had to deal with over the past twelve years.

It’s sad to think that my very first job of being a lifeguard at my hometown pool, where all I did was eat Charleston Chews and popsicles, get a tan and whistle the time for ‘rest period’ was my best job ever. Hands down.

What are some of the worst? Here are some treasures:

Leasing agent in a college town for what was referred to as ‘the student ghetto’- The worst part was checking apartments for evictions. There was a 50/50 chance that the person you think might have skipped out is still there. You knock on the door, holding your breath to see if anyone answers and when no one does, you unlock the door to find your tenant passed out without their pants on and their cat licking up the water that has spilled out from their tipped over bong. They wake up to you looking at them, their eviction notice glued to their face.

Cleaning lady - For one month the summer after my freshman year of college I took a (what I thought was a well paying) job cleaning houses. After about two weeks of cleaning other people’s toilets, I stopped calling in for my schedule and pretty soon my employer stopped calling me as well. Come to think of it, I never officially quit that job so I could quite possibly still be employed by them.

Books on Tape reader - I read text books, even the charts and footnotes, for people with disabilities. People depended on me to be their source of information for their classes. My interviewer’s first question should have been if I lived in a dorm and when my reply was ‘yes’, she should have denied me the job right then and there. Nothing is worse than Thursday night, recording a book about art, describing painting 3.1, while the wall next to me is shaking from the bass of someone’s speakers and my roommate busting in the room announcing that it was time to get wasted. I am sure that the lucky recipients of my tapes had a very interesting education handed to them that their textbook could never provide.

Disney Call Center Customer Service Rep – I will never look at Disney the same way again after my holiday stint working at their call center. Think how you would feel at the end of a long shift if you were told after an especially annoying customer that you have not used enough pixie dust on your call. Yes, they were diehard Disney, but pixie dust? What. the. fuck? My supervisor pulled me aside to let me know that when a person orders a Mickey Mouse long-sleeved shirt, I am also to cross-sell the Mickey Mouse pants, slippers and ears so that the person ordering can look like a complete douche bag and not just a partial one.

Legal Assistant – When strangers yell at me, I start laughing. A law office I worked for didn’t bill hourly, clients were quoted a flat fee upon hire. A client who felt we were not speedy enough with his court outcome called to complain about how he wanted a refund, even though his case was already successfully completed. There were several phone calls to the office breaking down what he thought we should have been earning hourly for the work done on his case before he came marching down demanding to speak to the manager, which was me. While he yelled, his face started to sweat which caused me to laugh, which of course made him angrier. Finally I said, ‘Sir, maybe you should check your numbers, because we actually saved you money. Had we billed hourly, you just spent thirty minutes of my time which you would now have to pay for.’ The best part was that he thought I said, ‘check yourself’ (who says that?) because he told me that I better check myself, which made me start laughing again.

Despite my seeming indifference and simultaneous annoyance with the work force, I am an excellent employee. I am grateful to have experienced jobs like these to always remind me I can and will always strive to be an excellent employee…in a position I like.

• Personal