My mom once told me, “Nothing is free in America,” but now that I think about it, there is so much great stuff that’s free! What the hell was she talking about?

I’m a lover of the finer things in life, and spending money on little things that cost a huge price is RIDICULOUS! No way Jose, I’d rather not drop a fatty chunk of Benjamins to pay for some blinged out jeans. I can provide clean drinking water for a third world country for that insane amount! I’m a “Hello good deal, peace out overpriced thing I can get somewhere else” type of gal. With the economic crisis going on and millions of people getting laid off, money is getting harder to come by. I’m saving in my pink little Porky piggy bank until I find a good sugar daddy in LA.

Hollywood Blvd– now that’s a good place to get free things. Wanna go watch Jimmy Kimmel live? Bam, that’s free. Wanna go try some weird chocolate? Free again (and quite possibly detrimental to your health, oh geez, but nonetheless, it’s still free)!

One day I found myself walking down Hollywood with a friend from school. I have no idea what the hell I was trying to accomplish that day, but I’ll tell you what I did do. I came home with over 10 samples of Burt’s Bees chapstick. That’s right kids, I had a cornucopia of chapstick samples of their finest products: flavored chapstick, scented chapstick, tinted chapstick, extra strength chapstick, cancer healing chapstick too!

(Okay the last one was a bit of a stretch, but watch, someday it’ll happen!)

If you’re lucky and your family or friends have a Costco card, use it. By using it I mean go with them and take a tour down the aisles. It’s a tiny bit of heaven for food lovers like me. You can try anything from cereal, dessert, meat, drinks, and everything else those crazy Costco people are trying to sell you. I think as a law abiding citizen you owe it to yourself to indulge at Costco.

As if Hollywood and Costco aren’t dishing out enough goodies, the free-lovers of America can be found at your local mall. Just think about it. Most malls have some sort of personal wellness store. Go to the Beverly Center and you’ve got your 2 choices, that come fully stoked with lotion, perfume, shower gel, shampoo and all that wonderful smelly good stuff. Sample your heart out, it’s free, why not?! Stores even give away free chocolate during Christmas. (You can find me there trying to get what I can in many different disguises!)

My mother was wrong about nothing being free in America, these were only a few places that are down to give you something for less than an Abe Lincoln. Mom, you’re crazy, all you gotta do is know where to go and you’re set!

Free stuff, I’m like a fat kid at Christmas that just got a year supply of In-N-Out burger!