1. You ask for a girl’s phone number after she tells you about her boyfriend.
2. You dip. And, consequently, spit.
3. You go into a restaurant with a tea bag and a book and ask for a mug of hot water and proceed to stay an hour past closing with your free tea.
4. You hate bands you used to like because they became too “mainstream” when more than 11 people bought their album.
5. You don’t pay your child support.
6. You play World of Warcraft 23 1/2 hours a day.
7. Your favorite comedian is Dane Cook.
8. Your mood music is John Mayer.
9. You pop your collar.
10. You snap your fingers to get the bartender’s attention.
11. You vote Republican.
12. You take everything Howard Stern says as the gospel truth.
13. You douse yourself in cologne that you bought at Wal-Mart.
14. Your entire wardrobe was purchased at Wal-Mart.
15. You wear pink polo shirts. (Bonus douche points if you work #9 into the equation.)
16. You are (or were) in a fraternity.
17. You drink malt liquor on a regular basis.
18. You’re over 20 and live with your mom.
19. You claim Fight Club as your favorite movie of all time but haven’t read the book.
20. You give your girlfriend power tools as gifts.
21. You use the word “tits” without being ironic.
22. You look up internet porn on your parents’ computer.
23. You look up internet porn at work.
24. You don’t have a job, and it has nothing to do with the economy.
25. You have spinners.
26. You wear a fake gold chain.
27. Your pants are 8 sizes too big.
28. You pick fights because someone looked at you wrong.
29. You don’t reciprocate oral sex.
30. You have empty liquor or beer bottles on display as decor in your apartment/bedroom.
