A person who wants to quit smoking cigarettes has a dreadful journey ahead of him or her. In addition to sometimes requiring medical support, he or she deserves encouragement and love from friends and family. Amongst my own circle of friends, all too often I have witnessed the exact opposite. Many times the significant other or close friend of the person trying to quit reacts by belittling their partner or expecting too much, too fast. This kind of reaction seems to stem from a general lack of empathy and the misguided reasoning that somehow by making a person feel bad about his or her habit, he or she will quit faster.  

 

So if you have a friend or loved one that is trying to quit smoking, here are some basic guidelines that will make the quitting process a bit easier.  

 

First of all, do not assume that your loved one will not quit fast enough because he or she does not care about you. I don’t have enough fingers to count the times I have heard girlfriends say to their boyfriends, “Why haven’t you quit already? I guess you don’t love me. You would have quit by now if you really cared.” This kind of attitude is ridiculous and unsympathetic, and creates an angry divide between two loved ones. Trust me. When he or she is ready, your boyfriend or girlfriend will quit. Do you think they enjoy giving you an ashtray of a mouth to kiss? Do you think they love having to suck down a cigarette every hour? Your babe wants to make you happy. But quitting smoking isn’t like turning off a light switch. A person quitting smoking needs unadulterated support, because what they are going through is pure hell. Harping, prodding, guilt-tripping, and manipulation is probably going to stress out the smoker and thus lead he or she to crave cigarettes even more. Next time you feel the urge to question your lover’s devotion, remember: he or she is going to just get pissed and sneak out when you are asleep to smoke a half of a pack of butts.  

 

Along the same lines, try and refrain from telling your partner to quit smoking, no matter how kind hearted your intentions may be. On a personal level, my boyfriend smokes. He’s grappled with quitting for years now, but it’s f*cking hard. I have been told, by many people, to “make ‘R’ quit smoking!” Folks genuinely believe that, as his girlfriend, I can “make” my boyfriend break his nicotine habit. Before going any further, I’d like to officially give a big ole middle finger to those people. You cannot make someone do anything. The decision to stop smoking is absolutely a personal choice, not influenced by external forces. No matter how much you beg, scold, bully, and tearfully implore your loved one to quit the cancer sticks, this person cannot until he or she really, really, really, REALLY wants to with every ounce and atom of his or her body.  

 

So what do you say to a cig-quitter? Ideally, nothing. Upon discovery of your friend’s or spouse’s decision to quit smoking, it is enough to simply say, “That’s great. I’m here if you need anything,” and let nature and will power take its course. The person struggling with ending an addiction doesn’t want or need to hear anything else from you. Chances are he or she will be extremely irritable and ornery for an indefinite amount of time while quitting, and avoiding the subject of cigarettes is best. However, nurturing friends will feel the need to constantly check in and offer help, advice, etc. to their suffering friend. This can be almost as dangerously annoying to a person quitting as the negative, unempathetic people mentioned above. Unless you are a smoker yourself, there is nothing you can do to help (if that’s the case, refrain from smoking around your friend. No brainer, right?) Other than that, frequently inquiring on the status of quitting can come off as overbearing and insensitive. There are different ways to offer support; surprise the person with his or her favorite food. Treat he or she to dinner. Bring her flowers. Just be there with a loving smile and a warm hug.  

 

Quitting smoking comes from nowhere but deep within. If you are close with a person attempting to quit, offer your support silently and without judgment. Many of us have no comprehension of what it’s like to be addicted to anything, and we must do our best to be understanding and supportive of those who know all too well.

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