In a recent post, one of our very own posed an interesting question: How does Facebook dating work? I actually wrote about this last year after having had the opportunity to attend the online dating industry’s iDate conference in Beverly Hills where I met Facebook expert Clara Shih, author of “The Facebook Era: Tapping Online Social Networks to Build Better Products, Reach New Audiences, and Sell More Stuff”, quite by accident really; I was on my way to the bathroom when her book display caught my attention.

I learned a lot about the online dating industry during my time almost working in the dating industry as the project manager of a training and development company that was exploring the possibilities of entering a whole new market.

Later that year, I had the opportunity to interview the Facebook expert via email about dating in the Facebook era. The following Q&A was originally published August 18, 2009 at Examiner.com:

When asked about how Facebook has changed the dynamic of dating relationships, here is what she had to say:

Niki Payne (NP): How has Facebook changed the dynamics of modern relationships?

Clara Shih (CS): Facebook is an incredible tool for managing relationships: romantic, platonic, professional, or otherwise. It helps us get to know the people we’re dating before, during and after a relationship. If you’re thinking of going out with a guy and see all these girls posting on his wall, you’ll know he is probably a player and might think twice.

In a relationship, we’re starting to see Facebook relationship status as the new DTR (define the relationship). Especially for a lot of people in high school or college, coming out on Facebook and saying you are dating so-and-so makes it official. I’ve even heard of people breaking up by ending the relationship on Facebook! After a relationship ends, people use Facebook to check up on their ex and see whether he or she has moved on.

Facebook profiles give us the opportunity to brand ourselves, letting others know personal info like whether we’re single, what we like to do, favorite foods and movies. The pictures we choose to post and are tagged in also help other people understand what kind of person we are. I know both men and women who look through all the profiles of their friends’ cute friends and either initiate contact with a Facebook message or make it a point to meet them offline.

NP: With dating sites infiltrating social networks, who needs a dating Web site at all when you can use Facebook to score a date at the cost of nothing?

CS: Some people still prefer more anonymity and being able to access new pools of people outside of their existing networks. Personally, I would trust friends of friends more and appreciate being able to check out the profile of someone who is hitting on me. I think we’ll see more hybrid models – traditional dating websites creating a presence on Facebook or at least bring in the Facebook social graph onto their sites with Facebook Connect.

NP: Have you ever scored a date using Facebook?

CS: I am dating someone now whom I did not meet on Facebook, but checking out his Facebook profile and our friends in common definitely helped me learn more about him and realize we might be good together. In the past, I have been asked out on dates via Facebook by friends of friends and people I met at parties. Facebook Event Pages are great because you can scope out who is going to an event and also find them afterward – that’s what happened to me.

NP: In your book, you state that about once every decade a new trend in technology emerges from mainframe computing in the 1970s through the Internet in the 1990s to social networking today. What’s your take on the evolution of dating from the 70s until now?

CS: Well, I haven’t been alive long enough (and definitely haven’t been dating long enough!) to really say from first-hand experience, but it seems like the 70s were about sexual liberalization and female independence. The 80s toned it back a bit. The 90s got hot and heavy with sexually explicit music lyrics, movies and culture. The last ten years, we’ve seen online dating with strangers take off with Match, eHarmony, Yahoo! Personals. Now we are starting to date more within our friend groups and extended friend groups again through Facebook.

NP: Do you think the Internet creates more or less drama in a relationships?

CS: Probably more drama because if your girlfriend or boyfriend is acting up, you’re more likely to be able to find out about it. On the other hand, knowing more about someone by “Facebook stalking” them before you go into a relationship might help you avoid potentially high-drama relationships. Also, the Internet has definitely made hooking up a lot more efficient so if you’re in a relationship already, that’s bad.

NP: What’s the best way to get introduced to someone you’re interested in dating?

CS: It really depends on you, the person you are interested in and both of your comfort levels with online dating and introductions. For existing friends, the Match Matrix app seems like a fun way to indirectly bring up the fact that you could be more than friends. The Friend Match is another popular app that lets people set up their Facebook friends.

For someone you have never met, you might use Are You Interested (13 million users) or Most Eligible Single to find other singles who are using those applications, or Flirt Wall to meet people more publicly and casually. If the person you’re trying to reach isn’t already using those applications, it might seem kind of random and untrustworthy to get a request to install a Facebook app (high barrier) but you could use the app to find people you might be interested in and then poke them, send a Facebook message, and find your way to a party they will be at (lower barrier).

To learn more about relationships in the Facebook Era, check out Clara’s new book, “The Facebook Era” and blog at www.thefacebookera.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at @clarashih.

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