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In my attempt to survive in this harsh world of modern dating, I’ve learned to adopt a man’s attitude. What that is, I’m not sure exactly. All I know is that everything I’ve learned about dating is from the male perspective intertwined with my own personal experiences with an array of men ranging from the “popular” to the “not so popular,” if you want it break it down high school status.
Men are amazing creatures and I love them way too much to ever turn lesbian or settle down with any one particular man. As beautiful as the female body is in comparison to men, I just love dick way too much, I joke with my friends, to ever swear men off completely.
I say this because I’ve spent the last few years observing men and their interactions with women (and vice versa) as a way to learn how to do that stupid little dance people like to call “the dating game.”
What am I trying to say? That if you’ve never been single before and don’t know how to jump back into the dating game, follow a man’s lead. That’s exactly what I started doing. I just recently started painfully applying a few male dating tactics. It sucks, and I hate it, but It freakin’ works… no joke.
I’ve also learned that men seem to be attracted to women that present to them a manageable challenge. I want to emphasize the word “manageable” because if a woman is not challenging at all, a man will probably either hit-and-quit it or ditch her the minute he realizes she’s a prude.
If she’s challenging enough, he just might put in the required amount of time to get her in bed. And If she’s too challenging, he’ll either be really into the girl (which is a turn off when you’ve only just met the guy) or he’ll just find someone who is less of a challenge, which genuinely results in the lowering of certain standards like physical appearance.
The trick of the trade is for women to be just the right amount of challenging and for men to play it cool, as cliche as that sounds. It’s kind of a like a give-and-take sort of deal. After all, we can’t keep kidding ourselves about the fact that men and women both love the chase just as much as they enjoy being chased. Dating is practically like finding a partner for an acrobatic balancing act.
Another thing I’ve learned through the handful of dating books that I’ve read is that a woman of class is never to be the one to say the “L” word, like or love, first. But evidently, men are sort of taught the same thing. No wonder modern dating is so confusing. Everyone is trying to be seductively mysterious and elusive because they think it’s attractive.
The last thing I wanted to mention is that men are not mind readers and neither are women. Why can’t we just be ourselves and say what we really want to say? I hate all these dating rules that tell you what you should or shouldn’t say on a first date, or what you should or shouldn’t wear.
The sad part is I’ve tried the my-life-is-an-open-book approach and I’ve been called “intense.” Then I tried the sort of snobby, don’t-speak-unless-spoken-to approach , which was really hard because I enjoy the sound of my own voice (only kidding), and the guy kissed me! “Was it something I said?” I asked him in all seriousness, although he probably thought I was just being flirty.
I just don’t get it and I’m trying to figure this whole dating thing out, just like the next person is. At least it’s a fun process!
Niki Payne is a freelance writer and Internet marketing entrepreneur based in Los Angeles, Calif. You can follow her on Twitter @nikipayne or become a Facebook fan.
*Originally posted Feb. 19, 2009 at Examiner.com. These words still ring true to me more than a year later.
