Must write blog post, but can’t. For one, there’s a marathon of Season 2 of Project Runway (the one with Santino… think, “Where’s Andraaaaae?”). For two, Google Buzz has taken over my life. When you’re unemployed, Gmail becomes your life. G-chatting, drafting cover letters and resumes, pressing refresh to see that you haven’t gotten an interview yet. And now there’s Google Buzz. Hey, Gmail, there’s a reason I don’t let myself get on Facebook during the day… now why do you have to send me to all kinds of obscure blogs that lead to other obscure blogs? I’m lost in the meme!

Well, while navigating Google Buzz, I did find something Telly-related. Not the Telly of today, but the one of my childhood. A show that formed who I am today and the future I saw for myself—a show that was as seminal to me as the book Anne of Green Gables, and for much the same reason. A friend Buzzed a blog about Clarissa Explains it All, my fave show in the early 90s, when I was in my early teens. The heroine, Clarissa, appealed to a young, malleable me in the same way Anne of Green Gables did: it starred a creative, sassy, feminist bad ass of a heroine. A girl who could hang with the boys, who could do it better than the boys.

Yes, I AM that fabulous.

Unlike Anne Shirley, however, Clarissa Darling had an amazing 90s-tastic fashion sense. (Anne, we know you didn’t have a ton of fashion options… besides, Aunt Marilla wouldn’t even let you wear puffy sleeves!) We talk about the Blossom hat as the quintessential 90s teen girl, but Clarissa was mixing patterns, putting baby doll dresses with Doc Martens and crazy headbands, and rocking patched-up 501s. I mean, for a show on Nickolodeon, the wardrobe designer (Pat Field, was that you?) really made sure Clarissa’s wardrobe fit her spunky personality – down to every little detail. The funky plastic earrings, the off-the-shoulder tops with denim vests and bike shorts, and, of course, her fave Keith Haring shirt. I love when a wardrobe designer gives a character a fave item of clothing (mostly because when I rediscover something in my closet, I will wear the shit out of it for weeks on end) and I also love that Nick was giving a shout out to an 80s gay HIV positive artist.

Clarissa and her favorite Keith Haring shirt

(Sidenote: why was Clarissa dressed so sluttily in the opening sequence of the show? She never wore midriff shirts, miniskirts, and fuck me boots in the show. Interesting wardrobe choice for after-school Nick, no?)

Never understood this ensemble...

Clarissa Darling—the very name is so Victorian, probably another reason I loved the show—not only had the wardrobe, she had the room. I LOVED that room. It was as eclectic funky as her wardrobe, and in the days when we didn’t do flea market style but all had daybeds and  wall-paper borders against our ceilings. She had hubcaps on her wall, a funky quilt, and, what I wanted most of all, the antique dresser where every drawer had a different paper pattern papier-mached to it.

The cool decor! The amazing fashion!

And yeah, she had crushes, but she had the number one indicator of a badass heroine—the guy that was totally in love with her. Yes, Sam, who always came to her window.  Question for Nick-o-philes: did she and Sam ever hook up? The friend that put the Google Buzz article about Clarissa Explains It All up and I can’t find any evidence either way. But yeah, Sam (who was a total stoner, was he not?) was in love with Clarissa, and I think she did what we all do with that kind of guy friend: ignore their pining, puppy dog eyes, ordering them around, and taking them on your adventures, shopping trips, and other on-your-terms activities with you.

Clarissa and her puppy dog, Sam

Clarissa was the equivalent of the 12-year-old me reading Sassy magazine of the 90s. Sassy being the counterpart to YM and Teen. While YM and Teen told me that zits were my big problem, and that  I could get pregnant from dry humping (what kind of right-wing and/or Christian agenda was behind these magazines?), Sassy told me I should be starting ‘zines, making my own clothes, and owning my young woman-hood.

I’m going to go even further on this Clarissa rant – I think this show was a young Sex and the City. In each episode, Clarissa solved the issue of the episode by playing it out on a computer game. Hello, Carrie’s questions (although on a much sleeker Mac) in the beginning of each episode of SATC? The questions that were, much like Clarissa’s computer simulations, neatly solved by the end of the episode? The fashion, the home décor, the appearance of fabulosity despite the fact that Carrie was on a free-lancer writer’s salary and Clarissa was probably on an allowance. (Another question for Clarissa-philes: did she have a job?)

Clarissa rocks the ubiquitous 90s 501 Levi's and midriff shirt

Oh, Melissa Joan Hart. Unlike Claire Danes, who transitioned smoothly away from being Angela Chase by starring in Romeo + Juliet, Hart went to another, much lamer, sitcom, Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Afterward, she starred in a forgettable movie with a young Adrien Grenier, went on Dancing with the Stars, and lost a ton of weight, upon which event she made the cover of People magazine. But I’ll never forget her as Clarissa Darling, a Riot Grrrl Lite, the coolest girl on Nickolodeon, and, I’d go even further to say, one of the coolest role models on 90s TV.

• The Telly