I just got a phone call from Bank Of America. The guy who phoned me didn’t speak English that well. How typical. Our conversation dived into “awkward mode” five seconds into the phone call.
“Are you happy, Sir?” He asked me. I knew he meant to ask “Are you happy with our services, sir?” but I didn’t say anything. Being bored, I decided “hey, why not fuck with this guy.” So I said “No man, Asian people hate me….”
There was a moment of silence. He broke the silence by finally asking “why……”? Again, the conversation was still in “awkward mode.”
I HAD to pull the phone away from me because I was giggling like a little Japanese school girl. I could not believe that I was actually having such a conversation with some stranger in India. By the way, he said his name was Joe….righhhht.
So I made up some bullshit story. I went into detail about how “I was enrolled in a local Kong Fu class in Tokyo, and by accident, I killed my master. My kicks were as fierce as a dragons roar” I told him.
I continued on with my awesome story: “The Chinese interpol is looking for me in Japan. I fled Japan and came to Hollywood to pursue my lifetime goal of being a male stripper at the Morongo Casino in Palm Springs, California. I broke my leg on stage two weeks ago and now am trying to break away from Alcoholism…that I got through my Step father through some weird cycle.”
He hung up. How rude.
