[Pause] I went to jail. I went to JAIL. I have to say it a million times and realize that what happened in the past few days really happened.  I watch far too much Law and Order SVU, and to think that my 92 lbs, 5’2 ass was laying in a jail cell just doesn’t seem like reality. It seems more like another episode and not my life.

[<<Rewind] Thursday I completed my first year of college. I juggled work, school, and raising my puppies and I was ready for taking a much needed break after all the blood, sweat and tears. I didn’t know this at the time but that was only the beginning of the water works.

I went out about my day, took my finals and by 2pm I was already trying to figure out what I should do next. I knew that by 9:30 I would be up in the Hollywood Hills at my friend’s mansion. I had asked my girlfriends to come celebrate the end of our first year of college with me, so the game plan was set: primp, party, drink and then call it a night.

[Fast forward>>] We were all having a great time. Drinking, hanging out at my friend’s beautiful house up that god awful confusing narrow street, we were young and life was good. That’s the one thing that I hated about the roads up there though, they suck. They’re super small and it’s pretty much impossible to fit two cars through the street at once.

After a few drinks between the girls and I, they decided to go to Hollywood. I was fine where I was at. Actually I was in a deep conversation with someone I had met that night, telling him about my hectic life here in Los Angeles and just making casual conversation.

I politely excused myself and told my friend that we were leaving. I felt pretty bad considering it was still quite early, but they all wanted to go and I was the driver for the night.

We all hopped into my little SUV. I thought I was fine to drive. I got out of the shittiest parallel parked spot of my life. I literally had to take it inch by inch to pull into that spot, but luckily pulling out came so much easier. I turned my car around and headed towards the bottom of the hill.

I kept driving, perfectly fine. One girl couldn’t find her cell phone and I couldn’t find mine so I told the girls to call it. I looked down for what seemed like one second…

CRASH.

I took my eyes off the car for one tiny second and I CRASHED MY CAR INTO A STUPID DUMPSTER. Wait, it gets worse…

The crash happened way too fast. I got out of the car and in the back seat my roommate was bleeding, there was blood all over her head. She was in more shock than I was. I was crying hysterically. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been in so many accidents before, most of which I was just a passenger in. They were all equally as scary, but this time was different. My roommate had hit her head on the window and it was just a mess. After that I don’t remember much. I just remember my head hurting so bad but I was way too scared to admit it to anyone that I was hurt. Leave it to me to try to act like I’m okay.

This lady that was there took me to the side and asked me what my parents number was. Between crying the Nile River and the initial shock of what happened setting in, I slowly said each digit but quickly blurted out, “But please *sob, sniffle* don’t *inhale* tell my parents. *Big sniffle* They will KILL ME.”

“They’ll be happy you’re alive. It’s going to be okay. Just trust me.”

It was around midnight when my parents got the call. It was probably the worst call of their lives.

Back in my neck of the woods I was busy failing a sobriety test. I drank, crashed my car, hit my head and hip, and miserably failed a series of random drunk tests. The cops strapped on the handcuffs and away I went in the back of a LAPD cop car.

I cried. I felt like shit. I put others in danger and hurt people I cared about. I was stupid. I am stupid. All these thoughts kept rushing through my mind as these two police officers drove furiously to take me down to the slammer, book me, and lock me into a cell and throw away the key.

We went to one jail. There were druggies and people roaming around, busted for only Lord knows what. I was still in shock and I was mumbling on how girls like me don’t belong in jail. I’m a tiny little asian with good grades and a clean record… Until now. Nobody gives a shit about your story when you act recklessly and make stupid decisions. You are just another drunk ass bitch that thought she could handle being behind a vehicle.

After filling out some paperwork we got back into the cop car, and taking a breathalyzer test, they took me to Van Nuys.  Along the ride to the second jail the handcuffs kept hurting my wrists and because I couldn’t move, they kept chaffing my wrists against the seats and between my frail little body. I continued crying. I guess I was hoping me crying like a pathetic baby would make them feel a little bad. I was lucky that the cops that handled me weren’t the crooked cops where they hit on you and try to get your number. Yeah it’s true, cops are crooked, try the ones in LA.

Once I was in custody at the Van Nuys jail, I was handed off to yet another cop. I think he felt bad for me. I was more sober than they thought and I was telling him how scared shitless I was. I said, “I watch Law and Order. I’m scared you guys are going to throw me to a bunch of wild jail birds and they’re going to kill me. I can’t survive in jail. Please, don’t make me go in there with them.”

They took all my information down and let me change into a beautiful baby blue shirt and pant set that looked like scrubs. They made me keep my high heels on so I looked like a confused nurse hooker. After taking my mug shot I was thrown in solitary confinement. I cried. I cried myself to sleep sitting upright against the wall. They woke me up and dragged me off to another room.

“You can make as many calls as you want.”

I thought you can only make one phone call, “I don’t have any numbers. It’s all in my cellphone which you took from me when I first got here.”

He looked at me, I could tell he felt bad. I had walked into jail looking cute as if I had spend the night clubbing and hitting the Hollywood streets for some partying. Ha, too bad I had been hitting the Hollywood dumpsters after some partying. “Just call whoever you can.”

He closed the door and I called my parents, my sisters, and my best friend from high school. Nobody picked up. After dialing my parents a million times I finally got through. I heard my mom’s voice and immediately starting crying.

“Mom I’m in jail.”

“I know, nang, are you okay?” (Nanh-ng, which is a term of endearment for your daughter)

“Mommy I’m so scared. Please get me out of here. I’m so sorry. It was a mistake, an accident.”

“It’s okay, we’re on our way.”

“Where are you mommy?”

The phone disconnected us. I just kept crying harder and harder. All I wanted to be was safe at home with my parents and not in this mess.

I sat in that room for a little bit longer until another inmate was brought in to use my phone. I was scared shitless that they were letting me come in such close contact with a criminal but I guess I forgot I was one too. She asked me what I was in trouble for and I told her that I got a DUI.

“Oh, I thought you was in some sort of shit for prostitution by lookin’ at them heels of your’s.”

“Nope, I’m just like any other Hollywood girl, partying and having too much fun.”

That was the God awful truth. I became this party girl. I knew it and everyone around me knew it. It was stupid of me to think that people would respect me when all I did was go out and club. I didn’t do drugs, but I found myself in positions where drugs were around me. I was being selfish and didn’t think about the effect my actions would have on my family or anyone else but myself.

After twenty minutes I got escorted to my jail cell where with about twelve other women. Most of them had been caught with warrant out for their arrests, or drug busts or random shit like that, but that didn’t matter to me. What mattered was that I was in jail. I was in jail shortly after injuring my friends in a car accident. In my new car I had only had for less than a month; my new car which my uncle had got for me as a gift/motivation to continue doing well in school. That’s right, I was doing well in school. I finished that quarter with a 3.4 GPA, and not even 24 hours later Iwas in the slammer.

Who I was beyond that jail cell meant jack shit. I was just some pretty lil’ thang that got into some deep shit. That’s pretty much what my inmates told me. They also told me that shit happens and I gotta get my life in order so I don’t end up there with them again.

As I lay in bed in my blue jumpsuit , with a flimsy blanket and a heavy lady laying on the bunk on top of me, I prayed. I had lost my faith and the sad thing was that following Sunday I had been invited to church and I was going to go. I was looking forward to it actually. Laying in bed and asking God for forgiveness and strength brought even more tears to my eyes. I talked to my uncle who I know I disappointed. I had nobody to talk to but my dead uncle and God.

Breakfast came around at 4am: toast, potatoes, and a sausage patty, with 2 small cartons of OJ on the side. I was scared to eat. I was scared to eat and then have to pee or poop in front of these other women. I slowly ate my food, hoping that my parents would be able to bail me out before anything got worse. As the guards were leaving, one of the women asked if we were taking showers later on that day.

SHIT.  Showers? Hell no I didn’t want to take a shower in front of these women. I get shy when I’m with a guy I’m dating, if he can’t see me naked nobody can. This just freaked the crap out of me. I didn’t want them staring at my naked tattooed little body. I didn’t want to have to be one of the scary women’s bitch for the way I looked. Every nightmare of being some lesbian jailbird’s bitch just kept circulating in my mind.

After breakfast I was called out of my cell and brought to Visitation B. The bail bondsman explained that my bail was set at $100,000, and bail is 10% of that, so my parents would be paying $10,000 to get me out of jail. He told me that my parents were already on their way and to call him and he would connect me to my parents.

I went back to my cell and after  10 minutes I got up and called him, and he connected me to my dad. I kept crying. Come to think of it, there was only a few short minutes where I wasn’t crying. I’m 20 years old and got busted for a DUI in Los Angeles. I had never gotten in trouble for anything in my life. My dad was already outside of jail but they had to wait to come see me since visitations started at 10am. I never felt so far from my parents in my life, even though they were only 50 feet away.

I went back to my bed and cried. I prayed some more. I cried tons more. I guess I must have dozed off for a little and woke up to the guards yelling at me to wake up. They were releasing me. My parents had paid $8000 for my bail.

[Play] Now I’m sitting in my room. Not my room in my apartment, but the room I had when I was still in high school. I’m 20 years old and I have to break from my job and more importantly, drop out of college. I was 9 months away from getting my degree in Visual Communications. My future is so more different than I wanted it to be, but hopefully my parent see that this was just a bump in the road.

Life can change in a matter of a second, or in a matter of just one huge but STUPID mistake. Words can not express how sorry I am for those I’ve hurt. I’ve had to sit there numerous times while my parents cry. I wish that my actions only affected me, but that’s how life is. You do something bad and everyone that cares about you is impacted in some way.

What’s eating me up inside is knowing that I put these people’s lives in dangers. Some of them act like I’m not sincerely sorry about it, but they don’t see that I cry myself to sleep now and thank God that we’re alive. I even find myself crying when I’m not doing anything at all. As time goes by I say a prayer every now and then that everyone who was physically hurt heals perfectly and that someday they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.

I hope that everything turns around for me, and I hope that the girls will never be in that horrible situation again. They didn’t deserve that night, I stole a night of their lives and gave them a night of hell.

I hope that someday I can prove to my parents that I’m better than this, that this was all a huge mistake. I want to finish college. I want to make my parents proud. I don’t want to be known as a criminal, but if you do the crime be ready to do the time.

I may never be able to erase this from my record, and I’ll never be able to erase it from my life, or the lives of others. I didn’t think it would happen to me, but that’s my karma but being reckless with my decisions. Don’t make the same mistake I did. It can happen to you. Accidents happen to everyone. It doesn’t matter if you pay your taxes, eat your vegetables or get straight A’s, once you make a stupid decision you’re just as stupid as the person before you.

*DISCLAIMER: I wrote this piece in the hopes of informing others of the dangers of drinking and driving. This is a personal post, not some stab at trying to get people in trouble or gaining recognition or sympathy from other’s. Yes, it’s my business and the business of those affected by it, but YOU will never learn until it happens to you or you choose to take it upon yourself and learn from someone else’s mistakes . I’m taking responsibility for my actions, and not placing the blame on anyone but myself. Take it how you want it but I hope my one night of hell never happens to you, therefor read it, understand it, and don’t repeat my mistake.