Is honesty dead? We don’t realize it, but lies are an inherent part of our daily lives, whether it be complimenting a girlfriend on her terrible haircut, telling your mother you can’t talk because you’re running out the door (late for work), or stealing money from your company. In particular, as a young girl, I was affected by dishonest and catty females. I assumed and prayed that general feminine bitchiness would stop after middle school, but the older I get, and the more I am involved in the “real adult world”, I realize that’s not the case. Women in particular, of all ages, are expected to be socially manipulative. I have seen and heard twenty year olds through fifty year olds partaking in all sorts of phony behavior, from trash talking their “friends” to gossiping about and criticizing a fellow mom’s offspring to other moms. However, anyone endeavoring to practice sincerity ends up as the social outcast. If a girl calls out a gossiping twit for being two-faced, the one doing the exposing is considered the bitch. Backwards, isn’t it? Is no one truly honest anymore? Can we ever really trust our friends? We fear complete honesty because as long as we lie to others, we know that we will never hear the ultimate truth about ourselves.
I know one darling twit, whom we shall call “S”. I forced myself to put up with “S” for a long time because she happens to be my ex-boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend (sorry, that is complicated, I know). For the sake of my ex-boyfriend’s relationship with his buddy, I befriended “S” and tried to get along with her. I eventually began to see her true colors. She would peruse Facebook for hours tearing apart her “friends’” pictures, referring to them as sluts and other unsavory terms, and telling me how much these girls have changed into bad people. The next day, on the very same girl’s profile she spent an hour ripping to shreds, I would see posted “Omg! Love your new pictures sweetie, you’re so beautiful! Love you, BFF!” She told me truly awful things about the girlfriends she considered her best friends. In addition to being a faux friend, she treated her boyfriend like dirt. I won’t go into detail – that subject in itself is worthy of another Neave post – but it’s safe to say “S” does not treat anyone with respect, kindness, or honesty.
Eventually, I became fed up, and decided to create distance between us, in hopes our “friendship” would simply dissipate without confrontation.”S” noticed the distance, and inquired via Facebook what was going on with us. I – gasp – was one hundred percent honest, and told her the following in so many words: “I would rather not continue to spend time with you because I dislike the way you treat people. I don’t think we are meant to be friends.” Now, I don’t think anyone has ever been remotely this honest with her. I know some of her “friends” are just dying to say the same thing, but refuse to keep the social peace. I think this honesty came as a shock to “S”, who responded with: “DIE BITCH I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!” (Or something similar, but “DIE BITCH” in all caps I quote verbatim).
Now, after getting over the initial shock of being told to die, I was more surprised that my message elicited her volatile reaction. I politely and maturely told “S” the exact reason I no longer wanted to remain friends. I thought that a far fairer course of action than pretending I was busy and didn’t have time for her. Her crazed follow-up message proved I had hit a nerve. She knew I spoke the truth, and was taken aback that anyone would call her out on it. I probably remain to this day the only person who has been honest with her about my feelings. Yes, it was me who ended up being punished; I had to put up with the consequences of the rude remarks she made about me to others, and her extreme animosity, but all I felt was relief. I ignored the gossip, and held my head high. A giant weight had been lifted knowing that I didn’t have to pretend to like her anymore. And of course I’m the one known as the bitch, but that is ok with me. I’m happy.
Not to seem biased against girls, I present to you another example of appalling dishonesty between a man and woman who allegedly love each other. These two give love a bad name, and that’s putting it lightly. They run in the same social circle as I and I used to be close with both of them. The man, “L”, took back said woman (let’s call her “A”) after she cheated on him years ago. They have been together in some capacity ever since. Their entire relationship is built on lies and cover-ups, beginning with the initial cheat. Since then, I know for a fact (without going into detail) that “L” has basically fucked or fooled around with any girl that shows him the slightest bit of interest, all while reassuring “A” that he is completely faithful and loves her to death. I do not know if “A” slipped back into her old ways and perhaps cheats as well, but it is a likely scenario.
This is an extreme example of a dysfunctional relationship, but one worth sharing, and not an uncommon occurrence between couples. What happened to building a relationship out of loyalty and honesty? We’ve all made mistakes, but to live consistently without virtue or trust is sickening. I know that not all relationships are a facade, and that many of us have happy and healthy relationships. I feel blessed that I have never personally experienced such deceit, so I can’t really delve into why people would behave as such in the aforementioned scenario. I can only try to quell my nausea at the thought that people actually act like this.
Dishonesty will always be present in our social and business circles, and always has been. Perhaps honesty isn’t dead, but it certainly isn’t the norm. The honorable and sincere people in this world are a minority, but they are free.
…This shit doesn’t quit after high school. Photo courtesy of Google Images search.
such a simple subject that no one dares to bring up. Props Liv
Whoa. How old is this girl? I’m assuming she’s in her 20′s. Which means if she says things like, ‘DIE BITCH’ NOW, can only imagine what she said as a teen.
The thing that makes me smile about people like that is that there’s 10 people bitchier than her, who karma is preparing just for her at just the right moment. And they can’t wait to tell her to shut the fuck up already.