Got a problem?
Bad Credit?
No Credit?
Mortgage payment too high?
Can’t find your car keys?
Stomach Ache?
Mom hounding to clean your room?
Gaining weight?
Clogged toilet?
Itchy eyes?
Swallow your gum?
Pen run out of ink?
Nothing good on TV?
Your favorite person get voted off The Bachelor?
No clean underwear?
Too lazy to get off your space wasting ass and apply for a job?
John MacGregor says: Blame it on the economy!
It’s everywhere I turn now, THE ECONOMY IS BAD! AHHHH! IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE GREAT DEPRESSION! AHHHH! GAS PRICES! THROUGH THE ROOF!!
Choke. Zeros.
Every person I hear flapping their gums about the “crisis”, Barrack Obama, George Bush, Gay Marriage, or any other inane bullshit that no one wants to hear, makes me want to jam a fork into my ears so I don’t have to hear them anymore.
I can’t stand these degenerate zeros blaming EVERY PROBLEM they have on the god damn economy.
I was (forcefully and painfully) watching the news; trying not to pay attention, because the only topic they ever cover is: The Economy, the fucking weather, and how Rihanna got the taste slapped out of her mouth by Chris Brown.
[Side Note: Maybe she shouldn't have been talking shit. Come correct next time bitch, then you won't have to feel Chris Brown's pimp hand. Also... how do you let Chris Brown fuck you up? He's like 5'0, and dances, toss that skinny little shit in a trashcan and roll him down the steps.]
Back to the news; this guy came on:
“Old woman in [some shit town in Massachusetts], house burns to the ground; Susan Newsreporter is there with the old woman now… Susan?”
“I’m here with Bee Arthur, Bee… What happened here?”
In the back, we see where her house used to stand, now just rubble scattered across the ground.
“Well… I was using my wood stove to heat my house, and I don’t really know what happened, I must have fallen asleep, or was busy trying to fix my defibrillator when suddenly my house was on fire… If it wasn’t for this economy I wouldn’t have had to use my wood stove to heat my house, and this never would’ve happened.”
She SERIOUSLY said that (I may have added the defibrillator thing, for effect), but she blamed the economy that her house burned COMPLETELY to the ground.
First of all, you have to be a real asshole to let your whole house burn to the ground.
Second of all, a wood stove?? Seriously, it’s 2009, just because you’re old doesn’t mean you have to use the same thing your dead mother used to make pot pies when you were a little girl to heat your place.
Third, YOU. ARE. OLD; shit like this happens all the time to old people, because most are too slow/stupid to use a fire extinguisher, or throw some water on a small fire before it turns into a huge blaze that burns your whole house to the ground.
Lastly, do you not have ANY money?! You can run your heat for a fee every month. You don’t have to rely on candles and your wood stove to warm you up. I have a house; it costs $150 to heat it for the month, and that’s on a bad month. I’m a 20 year old kid in the military who spends all of his money on energy drinks, sushi, and liquor. The only thing you buy is ointments; I’m sure you can spring a few bucks to keep you warm.
Jesus, people… Take some responsibility for your shit, don’t just blame everything on George Bush, or the fact that Circuit City is going out of business.
“I can’t get a job… with the economy the way it is right now.”
Good thing this “crisis” happened… because if it didn’t you still wouldn’t have a job; what would you blame it on then? It’s really easy to post blame on George Bush; it’s hard to look in the mirror every day at 2 pm (the time you woke up, because when you’re unemployed you make your own hours) and stare back at the non-contributing waste of air you call, “me”.
I’m not saying the economy isn’t fucked up right now. It is, there’s no denying it, but instead of walking into Labor Ready, waiting to go to a one day job where you’re going to be paid 2 cents an hour, all the while complaining that you can’t find a job; or your car, house and Xbox got repossessed because: “the economy is in shambles,” maybe go apply at the mall, before you have to start sleeping out in front of it.
I LOVE the fact that companies are going out of business, why? Because I can now go into Circuit City and buy the Saved By The Bell series collection for only $10. Or, I can go purchase an awesome (read: homo) car for the same price as a gallon of milk.
“Gas is so expensive now. Ugh, I hate it, I fill up my tank and I don’t have anymore money!”
That’s because your salary is on par with an infant’s. Or because you forgot to mention you also filled up, then bought an ounce of “that good shit” along with it. Be an adult, get some priorities, or just shut the fuck up… whichever works.
“Once Barrack gets in office, everything is going to be peachy keen, and I’ll be able to pay off my student loans now.”
Well, he’s been in for about a month now, and unless I was asleep… the money fairy didn’t fall from the sky and magically pay off everyone’s debt, and magically create 1 billion more jobs for all you welfare collecting zeros out there.
“Once Barrack gets in office, I’ll have a job.”
Once again, maybe I was taking a long dump when he got elected, but if I’m not mistaken, the day after his inauguration speech you didn’t wake up in a suit and tie, walk out to your new car and drive to your cubicle filled with TPS reports, and 6 cups of coffee. You’re still sitting on your couch watching day time soaps eating beans straight from the can.
People (like me), with jobs, money, and health care, don’t want to hear about your problems of your house burning to the ground, your cable getting shut off, or your phone bill not being paid, all because of “the economy.”
Choke. Zeros.
Author: John MacGregor
