Being a U.S. citizen is a very unique experience. You are granted certain rights and have almost endless amounts of freedom within reason. The very thought of the possibilities perplexes the minds of those not born within it’s realm.  With these rights however come certain responsibilities. They are typically fairly simple and straight forward to follow; don’t kill, rape or steal, any animals and or other humans…I mean don’t rape steal or kill in general or break any other stupid laws that serve no real purpose in this modern age.

Anyway, there is one responsibility that we must own up to that is the biggest pain in the ball sack that one could ever imagine.

JURY DUTY!

Yes folks, Jury duty. Of all the U.S.’s glory and majesty there is one major shortcoming that just sucks the fun out of life. The thing is you never see it coming. This daunting proposition just hits you one day out of the blue like an ex-lover telling you that they are preggers or that they have A.I.D.S. from a lover before you so that you probably now have the HIVy or the A.I.D.S. itself accompanied with gonorrhea and chlamydia and all kinds of fucked up twisted shit.

Sorry for that graphic comparison, but as I write this very moving literary masterpiece I am sitting in the jurors waiting room to have my ass possibly picked out randomly to serve on some crazy fucking criminal trial that involves goat raping between two Fortune 500 C.E.O.’s.

So… as I was saying. This M. F’er just hits you out of the blue and it comes to you in the form of a discrete letter in the mail in a brown box. Sort of like those filthy things you order from the online adult store or kind of like your stool sample that you send off for lab results in a brown box. Ok it’s not really that discrete, its just some boring ass white letter with Juror Services in big fucking letters. Either way, you stomach just drops and you say to yourself, “ FIST IN MY ASS” or as some of you might know it “F.I.M.A.”

God WTF is this lady talking about! They have some bitch here talking about how when she lived in Africa the have 9 judges instead of a jury and no matter what they decide someone is getting executed and there is a gang bang at the local chiefs house with all fellow tribesmen that own property. Sounds kind of like the Old South. Oh those were the days.

I know this is a sort of stream of consciousness posting, but I can’t help it. It is the only way I can possibly stay sane in this God Awful predicament that I’ve been put in with all these fucking ghetto ass people and illegals.  How the hell are some of these people legal citizens?! Ha that’s what they get for stealing a valid social security number. I will hopefully be updating this throughout the day because somehow this ghetto ass place has free wifi. It’s better than the Motel 6 I used to have my affairs in with a 64-year-old married Cuban woman.

*Update*

So I’m still sitting here, surprise surprise. I do have some news for you. Apparently they want you to consider donating that little to ABSOLUTE ZERO dollars that you are making to “Worth While Court Projects.” WTF are you kidding me? I’m being robbed of a days pay since my employer doesn’t have jury duty pay, and these assholes are seriously asking me to donate what little money I might stand to make if I serve more than one day.

Also they keep having guest speakers or something along those lines that speak about how great a privilege it is to do your civic duty and to actually serve on a jury. Then I think they had some speaker come up and talk about being some fucking Big Brother to kids in need and shit. Now if that gig is anything like the movie Role Models sign my pedophiliac ass up, if not, Fuck Off! I feel like they rounded up all these fucking assholes that, surround and basically seem like hired employees of places such as Best Buy, local grocery stores, and of course the most notorious hang out spot for these douche asses, THE APPLE STORE. You know, those fucking pricks that solicit you shit outside like singing petitions and donating money for some made up organization or to go on some jerk off Greenpeace hippy hike.

More updates will be sure to follow as this craptastic day progresses.

Lateronz,

Author: Mr.X