Long have we carefully chosen where to step next in the realm of courtship based solely upon the interpretation of said move, whether the outcome will be viewed as romantic, or, and with certain ruin, as creepy. Any romantic expression can easily lend itself to the camp of Creep and quickly be an indication of instability and an epidemic-sized case of the Willies. And there is one clearly recognized yet murkily defined way to rise above the uncertainty, to answer the simple question: does she find you attractive?
If the answer is undeniably yes then the pre(a)ying Male has free range for any number of whimsical, impractical, and privacy breeching, though ultimately “charming”, ways to cleverly hit on the apple of his eye. Take for example a simple handwritten note passed quietly in a public coffee shop, possibly reading:
Noticed your addiction to chai, why don’t we pretend to kick the habit together? Might as well meet if we’re always in such close proximity, right? -Robert, from the table by the faux-Lilith Fair display/milk counter.
If this was deftly handed to you by a tall, dark, handsome and possibly British man in a coffee shop, you may swoon and begin to quickly plan which date you’d be open to the idea of passionate public intercourse. On the other hand, if a scraggly, pock-faced, nappy haired man with absolutely zero fashion sense played this card your mind will immediately rush to the absurd: How long has he been watching me? He knows what I drink here?! HE’S BEEN TAKING NOTES?! And he’s suddenly a stalking maniac who most likely owns many pruning tools and not a single shrub.
For most of us men, teetering dangerously close to the lower side of average, we have to be extremely careful to not fall into this second category while we attempt to separate ourselves from the herd by creatively making a pass at those who orbit our daily goings-on.
And it just makes sense to be observant of those who attract you. You’d likely be quite the dud if you failed to notice the same charming blonde frequented your local library and checked out Hemingway bi-weekly or if the twee brunette who shared a bus stop with you was routinely late and carrying a McDonald’s bag with a slight irk of shame. We may be animalistic at our basic approach to courting but we’re nearly scientific in our calculated observance, and wouldn’t you rather someone preparing themselves with the tools around them rather than leering and slobbering at you with another outdated and half-hearted line?
We barely have any moves anymore. Men, how many of you have found yourself in a bar or social interaction, spying the redhead across the room and have been 99 percent certain that you have indeed known this woman prior to tonight? And you just can’t place it. But that face has been in front of you, maybe at the grocery store or in your apartment complex. But you know what you can never do? You can never say: Hey, have we met before? You look so familiar. And that is supreme bullshit. Because that’s become a “line” now and a “creepy” way to “trick” a girl into a conversation, earnest or otherwise.
So I ask, what is so wrong about calculation? If you parade down the same city block twice a week, taking my breath away each time, wouldn’t you love to know someone was so enamored by you? Don’t you hope for that sometimes? And not in a way that means you need male validation, but just that, damn, ain’t it great to have someone diggin on you? It’s an undeniably great feeling.
Is it wrong to mark in my notebook on Thursdays you walk down Houston St. between 2 and 2:30 but on Fridays it’s almost always right at noon? And that I can tell when you’re having a good day or not by the slight change in your gait and your more daring fashion choices? That by overhearing snippets of your conversations you must have a brute roommate named Toby but he could quite also be your dog? Or that the girl you meet at Starbucks with on the weekends is your old college roommate whom you confide in everything and would it be so wrong for me to ask her if you were single?
Is any of this so wrong?! The search for love and companionship? An eagerness to obtain more beauty in my life? WELL? IS IT? IS IT WRONG?!
This restraining order says that it is.
Author: Alan Hanson
Comments
The only thing wrong with taking notice of such minor details is all in how a man approaches a woman. Taking notice of such small things as the ones you mentioned can actually seem sweet, thoughtful and even romantic if you approach a woman subtly and casually instead of creepily and eerily. You can approach a woman without seemingly overly interested by creating a nonthreatening situation to get her to engage you in a friendly conversation by requesting information (Do you know if this bus stops by ____?) or by sharing a current experience (Man, this bus is always running late. Are you on your way to work too?) This is actual advice offered to primarily women but is totally applicable for men too.
It's reassuring to know that anyone, be it a man or a woman, still remembers how to peel him or herself away from technology long enough to awaken to the physical reality passing them by, all too often unnoticed. Yes, most women would interpret such perceptiveness as threatening, but that doesn't mean that women are right. Sometimes, it takes the gentle persistence of a man falling in love to help the woman get on the same page. After that, it's all about learning how to read at the same pace.