When writers from The Neave become friends on Facebook, we often learn new and interesting factoids about each other’s personal lives. Other times, we accidentally begin a game of “Marry, Fuck, Kill,” which is exactly what happened when I commented on Charles Finster‘s status this morning. Here’s the thread from our “conversation.”

Charles Finster R.I.P. Larry King…see you live from Heaven. 7/27/10

Britt Warner He’s not dead…is he? My brothers and I use him as our go-to guy in “Marry, Fuck, or Kill.” His death would ruin evvvveryyyything!

Charles Finster I don’t think he’ll ever die. He’s looked the same since I was a child. But, wait…what? Jesus that is sick. I hope he falls into the marry or kill part of that game.

Britt Warner Psh, whatever. I’d fuck him.

Britt Warner …when my other two options are Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump? Indeed.

Charles Finster Marry Rosie because of the Koosh balls, kill Donald so Atlantic City can crumble…yeah I guess I’d fuck Larry as well. There is never a winner with this game.

Britt Warner See?!

Charles Finster Magic Johnson, Charles Manson, and Woody Allen.

Britt Warner Marry Magic, fuck Woody, kill Charles. Okay, now you: Hillary Clinton, The Dame Judy Dench, Janet Reno.

Charles Finster Kill Janet, fuck Judy, and marry Hillary (because we can share suits).

Britt Warner Ahahahaha. I love this game.

Charles Finster Haha, this is my new drinking game. Everyone writes their answers on a piece of paper and you can’t win. Just desperately drink because the choices are so terrible. After four rounds I might fuck Rosie.

Britt Warner Yeah, I mean, it’s a toss-up: King would need Viagra and you’d have to be careful not to break his fragile bones; Trump would be too worried about that mop on his head to really get down; Rosie, on the other hand…I bet she’s an animal in the sack.

[Here's where Charles's friend Jonel joins in. I suspect she doesn't understand the format of the game, but her question is entertaining nonetheless.]

Jonel Marie What about making whoopie with Whoopi?

Charles Finster Can’t do it…that’s Buckwheat’s Mom.

Britt Warner Hell yeah. I’d fondle those cornrows oh-so-tenderly.

Charles Finster Morgan Freeman, Jack Nicholson, and Don Rickles.

Britt Warner I’d marry Morgan, fuck Jack, and kill Don. Too easy.

Charles Finster George Bush, Carrot Top, and Eric Stoltz as seen in Mask.

Britt Warner Ha! Marry Eric (as seen in Mask), fuck Carrot Top, kill Bush. Betty White, Sarah Palin, Joan Rivers.

Jonel Marie Kill Pat Robertson, fuck Mark Wahlberg, and marry Trump

[Suspicions are confirmed: Jonel DEFINITELY does not understand the format of the game. Charles defers to my last question.]

Charles Finster Oh, what the hell – haha. Kill Palin, marry Betty, and (I can’t believe I’m saying this) fuck Joan.

Britt Warner Yes! Perfect answer. Okay, okay, I’ve got another one: Ellen Degeneres, Oprah, Rosie O’Donnell.

Charles Finster Hmmm…kill Oprah (she always chooses the shittiest books) marry Rosie because she can make me laugh, and fuck Ellen because she is the thinner lesbian and doesn’t have that annoying New York accent.

Britt Warner Another perfect answer. Well-played, sir. Well-played.

[Charles Finster likes this]

Charles Finster Abe Lincoln, Ralphie May, and Pee Wee Herman.

Britt Warner Marry Abe, fuck Pee Wee, kill Ralphie. Shit, who am I kidding? I’d fuck ‘em all.

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Rosie, Donald, or Larry? Leave your answer as a comment.

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