Fifteen Missed Connections, One Response.

(Read from top to bottom).

HOT GIRL at BJS late last night – m4w – 28 (woodland hills)

Missed Connection:
you were there wtih a group of guys, you were so hot, we made eye contact for a second when you were leaving,,,,do you remember

My Response:
I only remember how hot I was :0

His Response:
so this is you

His Response (a day later):
Are you the girl? Do you remember me?

My Response:
White tracksuit? Really cool flat cap? You’re so FUBU. I love it.

His Response:
No not even close. Red shirt baby blue puma jacket

My Response:
Damn! That’s still really stylish….do you have a baby blue tracksuit perchance?

His Response:
Send me a pic.

My Response:
Ok…here goes:

=] – m4w – 18 (The Valley (818))

Missed Connection:
Well… I’m 18 years old….
hit me up… =]

My Response:
Did you JUST turn eighteen? Like an hour ago? You must have said, “It’s 7:06 am- the hour my mom dropped me out of her uterus eighteen years ago! I’m legal according to Father Time! I guess that means it’s time to lose my virginity!!! Ladies….my mom dropped me out of her vagina this exact hour eighteen years ago! I dunno what turns you on, but let’s DOOOO it!”

His Response:
lol wow…. wtf???
No, I turned 18 September….
and I lost my virginity at 15….

My Response:
Woah. I’m TWENTYfive and still haven’t lost mine…

His Response:
YOU’RE 25???

My Response:
Do you have anything else to say?

You were at home for Valentines – m4w – 28 (Pasadena)

Missed Connection:
To every woman who was at home on Valentine’s thinking it was a boring night alone. One day you will meet someone and find out why it never worked out with anyone else. Stay precious ladies!

My Response:
Thanks for being encouraging!!

you kept asking, “whats my name?” ———- its a long shot, but i havent forgetten what your name is

My Response:
Soooo…what’s your name?

His Response:
hey, my names cristian, but ummm, who is this again? hope youre havin a good one, cheers!

My Response:
I thought you didn’t forget my name. I mean, why would you? It’s Fantasia Rodriguez Lopez. I’m your long lost lover from Craigslist.

His Response:
Do you have a facebook/myspace?

My Response:
I have a Friendster.

His Response:
no but i’d like to see ya!

My Response:
Ok- here:

Horny > Oogle CL > Distracted by photography > Still horny – m4w – 23 (near the 10/405)

Missed Connection:
If you sent me something before, please try again. (I didn’t get it.)

My Response:
I am not sure what I’m looking at here. Your butt is weird. Well, here’s the picture I tried sending before:

Eye contact at Poquito Mas – m4w (Westwood)

Missed Connection:
I was there at lunch today by myself…I thought we made eye contact a couple times…am I right?

My Response:
I was all about the pico de gallo today, so if you were too, then yes, we made eye contact across the salsa cart. It was spicy.

His Response:
Have any pictures?

My Response:
Yes. I was sorta embarrassed that my Philipino caretaker was with me (what a HUGE cock block)… because I thought you were cute. Tacos later? (I can only eat with one side of my mouth).

Waitress Actress Jessica / Magnolia – m4w – 35 (Pasadena Lake Ave)

Missed Connection:
Ms Jessica Diz Magnolia. So I actually worked up the nerve to ask for your number. So technically this is not a “missed connection” I was at Magnolia on Sunday night with my Aunt. You served us up some really great Cabernet and we chatted. You were oh so cute jumping on the bar as you were scared of the rats that were taking over the place. You have a really cool vibe and seem so sweet and your heart longs to be filled up with some real love just like mine. I could love getting to know you. We chatted about Cuban food. I called and left a message. I am taking a chance with fate that you might read this. I don’t call a second time after leaving a message to call back. I think I gave you my business card as well. I am sad because I really was looking forward to hanging out. Yes I am very interested but you must return my call so we can hang out. I have never met someone with such grace and beauty. You are an amazing soul and I sense a really awesome talent that will one day win a Tony Award. God bless my beauty and maybe one day we can give love a chance. Please call.

My Response:
Famous director from Russia, you should put me in a movie. I will say a line like: “Stalin, you are so talented at many things.” And then, if you let me ride your motorcycle to S, the hottest nightclub in LA, I will maybe give you a lap dance with all my clothes on– including my favorite sweater that my grandma hand-knitted for Christmas. Do you like?

His Response:
I think you should give up acting and be a screen play writer or perhaps
a local traffic reporter. Then just maybe then you will be to ride on my motorcycle.

Do I know you?? You have some really big balls for a chick.
Just curious about something???? Do you actually know Jessica Diz at Magnolia? What would prompt you to respond to my add with such bizzare whimsical prose? And do you really want to go to this so called nightclub S? If so shoot me a photo with your digits and let’s hang.

My Response:
Here ya go. 310) 847-5309

Laundry in Venice – m4w – 27 (Venice)

Missed Connection:
I opened the door for you while you were carrying your laundry. You’re beautiful and I would love to get to know you. Never done a post here and don’t expect anything.

My Response:
I WOULD get to know you if you used natural laundry detergent.

His Response:
i can change

My Response:
Change a dollar for 4 quarters? Because their machine does NOT work….RIGHT?? Am I right? SO annoying. LOL!

His Response:
Machine worked for me. Picture?

My Response:
Oh here…ahhh…I am so embarrassed…I got into an accident yesterday…(eeek!) (shrugs)

Looking for someone to hang with. – m4w – 29 (San Gabriel)

Missed Connection:
Hey, I’m a down to earth single guy looking for a down to earth single woman. I love women in general so race doesn’t matter. My main attractions are Asian,Latin,and white,but all races are attractive to me. so hit me up.

My Response:
The way you use sepia and black and white on the same picture turns me on. It shows you know how to use photoshop. Hit me up for sure! I am white– but sometimes people think I’m black. Is that ok?

His Response:
Yeah thats all good. I like women of all races. Let me know whats up.

My Response:
This is what’s up, dawg:

girl with PINK HAIR at home depot. sunday feb. 15 – m4w – 25 (silver lake)

Missed Connection:
to the extremely insanely cute girl, with PINK HAIR…

YOU: were at home depot sunday feb.15 around 7 or 7:30ish pm. u have streched ear lobes, pink hair, i think it was only the front part, u bought (i think) something from the very last section of the store, it wasnt a ladder, if u read this youll know what im talking about, and u can confirm this…

ME: i work there, tall, blue jeans, and a beige shirt, goatee, kind of long with two piercings on the lip, and glasses. i was walking in the front (spoting or guiding) my supervisor who was driving a red forklift and i saw u right in front of paint department. he told me u look but i didnt believe it, u were just to cute to look at someone like me. i wouldve said hi, but i was guiding the driver, and i had to.

i know this is a long shot, but you are well worth it. like i said you are so insanely, freaking cute, and i love your style, and honeslty i think u are cool as fuck. if (and iam really hoping) u read this, please get back at me, i would love to say hi….julio….
PS>>oh yeah, neither me or my supervisor (he was wearing a hat) were wearing an apron, we didnt wanna get bother. but u can bother me anytime…

My Response:
I used to drive a forklift at OSH across the street (but I got fired for lying about being able to drive it). Talk about coincidences. Do you happen to like fetish porn and bondage? Because that would be a coincidence too…
KIDDING!
So…what music do you like? Grunge? 90s? I’m so 90s because I was born then….

His Response:
osh!! bleh…you know ure reallyfunny, so u must be a nice person. 90 music is the best. i actually like every kind of music (original huh?)

My Response:
I am actually a bitch. I don’t know how you think funny people are ever nice…but ok. Do you seriously not have a music preference? Are you a big fan of ANY band? Like Ace of Base? No Doubt? Garbage???? HOLE!?!?!??! Those are classics you for sure need to be aware of….

His Response:
oi like alittle of everything. but mostly metal and rap, not the cluby kind. so what else are you into?? how old are you?? and u wanna tell me more about yourself? geet ack at me..julio…

My Response:
I am 18. I like quality music and really good art, like anything Kat Von Di tatoos on people. Do you have tattoos? I have one on my buttcheek. It’s a panther. It means “strength.”

His Response:
of course i have a favorite band, its all about the knot, SLIPKNOT, thats my favorite band of all time, static-x, otep, molotov, then, mos deft, talib kweli, commom, krs one, De la soul, no doubt, korn, CKY, AC/DC, led zepelling, the doors, the list goes on and on .tattoos? of course, i have some, more than an armband, half my arm its done, a start on the other, and hafl my leg its almost done as well, i could send u a pic, but since im a gentlement, im gonna let u do that first. send me a pic, if u can one of your tattoo as well. ill return the favor. myspacce perhaps?? and, i still think ur cool, just because youre funny, the bitch thing, i dont know yet, but you sound pretty straight forward. well, hope to hear from u soon..,..julio…
PS>>oh yeah, im 25, and live on silver lake. where do u live?? movies, lets talk movies, favorite kind?? and i guess my preference is metal

My Response:
How about I like funny ass movies like Mall Cop and Madea Goes to Jail!???!!! What what. Slipknot is sick, yo. I live in Silverlake and I want to make metal music but I am too scared to freak out my grandma. Ok – here is a pic of me (before the pink hair and hotness):

His Response:
wait, a couple of things, is that a neck brace?? what happend?? how long ago was this?
and, u mentioned pink hair, was that really you?? i mean the one i saw at home depot?? the one i wrote the posting about?? if this is you…what did u buy that day??? it was at the very last section of the store, im just curious if this posting really did work…..and if not, u made a friend anyway, if ure willing to take my friendship of course, just let me know if this is really you…….i still think ure pretty cool….hope to hear from u soon….julio….

My Response:
i get confused sometimes when people say they saw me at this and this place with pink hair because the pink hair i have is not on my head- just my arms and legs. so if you mention pink hair- I am just like- oh ya- I have pink hair- how could I forget? Also, I get so used to the neckbrace I am wearing right now that I forget it’s on me sometimes). But good news about the brace- I can stilll head bang!!!! So ya-I guess the person at Home Depot wasn’t me. Thanks for your friend requests on Friendster, Myspace, and Facebook though! I MIGHT accept it! LOL JKJK JK!

Milf at the gym in my apartment complex – m4w – 22 (warner center)

Missed Connection:
We had a l conversation this Thursday, i always see u check me out never realy pursued it. i been check u out for minute. You’re so hot i want to do you…

My Response:
Do you speak English? Thank you for saying I am a MILF. I rarely feel that way- so yes, I’ll hook up with you. Will you babysit in exchange?

His Response:
send me a picture and your number will talk

My Response:
323) 826-5309

Girl in Green Mini Cooper on Sunset at 2AM Friday night – m4w (West Hollywood)

Missed Connection:
You were the sexy passenger in a dark green Mini Cooper on Sunset and Crescent Heights. I was the Italian guy in a black BMW driving home after work. We exchanged smiles as we drove… You had a beautiful smile and looked very sexy. I turned to head home before I realized I should have kept driving on Sunset with the hopes of getting a red light and a chance to talk to you. I just got off work so I wasn’t thinking so clearly. Hopefully you see this and we can resume where we left off…

My Response:
Should I meet you on Sunset and Crescent Heights like last time? I’ll ask my friend in the green Mini Cooper to drive me there and we can reenact the moment we shared?

His Response:
Wow… this really works? How do I know it’s really you? Do you have a pic?
http://doplereffecttv.com

His Response (a week later):
What happened to you Alessandra? Are you not the beautiful girl I saw that night? You had a great smile!
Joseph Greto 310.210.2235 http://doplereffecttv.com

My Response:
You’re too much of a big Hollywood guy that I got too nervous to respond! Sorry! Here I am!

Macys sherman oaks saturday morning – m4w – 38 (sherman oaks)

Missed Connection:
You are tall and beautiful standing next to me to pay in the men’s department and you looked at me and told me my jacket is nice. I wanna know who you are,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

My Response:
I just liked the jacket you were wearing. Where did you get it?

His Response:
Tell me what you were wearing so I know it’s really you,,,,,,then I will tell you where I got it,,,

My Response:
a white cardigan- blue heels…tightass  silver jeans…HOTNESS

His Reponse:
wrong answer,,,,or wrong girl,,,,,, what jacket was I wearing?

My Response:
It was puffy.

His Response:
come on stop playing around,,,,,,,,,,,,,

His Response (two minutes later):
better yet, send me your picture

My Response:
I’m NOT playing around.

His Reponse:
is that your mom?

My Response:
No- that’s me…why you have to be a hater?

His Response:
I’m not a hater, you just look older in the picture that’s all

My Response:
Having no teeth will do that.

99 Cent Store: Your 5 year old sons birthday – m4w (North Hollywood)

Missed Connection:

Hi…you let me go ahead of you in line. We talked briefly about the party you were preparing for your son. I just can’t get your bright eyes and smile out of my mind.I would love to get to know you. If you see this I would love to hear back from you.Have a great weekend!

My Response:

Do you happen to be willing to dress up as a ninja for my son’s bday? He would love that. I can’t really afford one right now…ninjas are hard to come by. Also- can you do a Jackie Chan accent? He loves ninjas- but he also loves Jackie Chan….

His Reponse (as theduderaul):

Does he like pirates?

My Response:

Only if the pirate has a Jackie Chan accent.

His Response:

You certainly are cheeky and bored aren’t you?

Of course I know you aren’t the woman I saw last night…but I am bored and will play.

And I happen to love Jackie Chan and look like a pirate!

My Response:

Oh cool- then you will dress up as one and talk like Jackie Chan on our first date?

His Reponse:

Haha! You got it! so how will you dress up? We should match

My Response:

I will not dress up ever.

His Response: Humm…not even tassels?

His Response (2 minutes later):

By the way, this is me:

My Response:
I’m not sure if I find you attractive, but I might give it a shot. Also- I would never wear tassles for you. They always get stuck on my nipples a day after I wear them. It’s good you attached your picture, though. I hate when people show up on a date and they totally don’t look like how they describe themselves. Well- this is me. Hopefully you are interested?

His Reponse:
Nice! Will you be my Valentine!?

My Response:
Ok – how does that work?

His Response:
Actually, I am still trying to figure that out
something to do with money I think? Or was it candy? Candy money ?

My Response:
I only want money.

Westin hotel downtown, Friday 4 pm. – m4w – 45 (Downtown LA)

Missed Connection:

You were looking for the lobby bar; I assured you you were already there. I would do anything to see you again….

My Response:

Omigod- I’m so dumb sometimes when it comes to directions! LOL. Well- I totally like sorta live at the Westin right now. I go to the bar every night just to escape the shit, ya know? Meet me there sometime and we can totally chat- and like, maybe hit it off? I love a man in uniform. You were the bell boy, right?

His Response:

Just so I’m sure it’s you: what were you wearing that day in the bar? thanks

My Response: A black see-through long sleeve shirt…American Apparel knee high socks…a choker..black eyeliner…I’m kinda hardcore…

His Response: Hmmm… interesting… this sounds sort of like the woman i spoke with, but sort of not…. one more question: what’s your hair style? and, by the way, no, i’m not the bell boy… i was sitting at a little table between the bar and the fountain and you (or someone else) noticed me smiling at you and asked me for directions.

My Reponse:

There was a fountain!?! Near the Bar??! I am like so oblivious sometimes!

His Reponse: what were you holding in your hands? and what is your hairstyle?

My Response:

I don’t like holding things- not even other people’s hands…so…I don’t think I was holding anything..my hair was way shitty looking too.

His Reponse:

i don’t think you’re the woman i saw. but you sound charming and gorgeous. so, yes, we should definitely meet up at the Westin (or elsewhere) sometime!

should we exchange photos?

My Response:

OK.

Author: Alessandra Rizzotti

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