Here’s the fourth installment of your weekly glimpse into my noggin.
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I want another tattoo. Fuck.
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Ms. Hooker. Mr. Seamen. Mrs. Hymen. Mr. Weiner. People with fucked up names shouldn’t become schoolteachers unless they’re willing to a.) change their identity or b.) subject themselves to nonstop snickering. Kids can’t help themselves. Shit, who am I kidding? Adults can’t help themselves. We’re all evil.
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It bothers me when chicks refer to their significant other as “the boyfriend,” as though the person they love is just another accessory. (The dress, the purse, the shoes, the boyfriend. Yuck.) Ditto concerning men who talk about “the wife.”
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High-fives are bongwater. That shit needs to stop.
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I’m going to manufacture a heavy metal boy band, put all the members on steroids, and call them Impotent Rage.
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If you bitch about your shitty relationship in a Facebook status, I will delete you…or at the very least, hide you from my news feed. Talk to your mate in private – where dirty laundry belongs. And if you can’t resolve the issue? Break the fuck up!
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I don’t mean to seem negative – I suspect my skewed sense of humor is a coping mechanism that I use a little too liberally during hard times.
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Lately, when someone tells me a boring story and I lack an escape route, my mind immediately wanders to a faraway land. I live there quite happily, leaving my auto-piloted body in the physical realm to nod and say, “Nice,” once in a while to someone who’s none the wiser.
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I’d love to write something for The Neave about what it was like for an anti-war peacekeeper to be thrust into the role of “army wife,” what it was like to be given up for the dangerous allure of a battle zone…but currently, it’s easier to put those feelings into song form than to tackle an entire essay. Maybe someday.
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What do YOU muse about? Leave a comment and let’s discuss.
Author: Britt Warner
Comments
love this and your idea for a steroidal bot metal band "impotent rage"….copyright it right now!!..x
GUILTY on THE number3. Sorry!
But it's like slang, ya can't stop!
(don't count the days, just write the songs!)
xxx
I'm applying for CowBell player for that band! Eclectic and thought provoking post as always Britt! I really hope you do write that essay about the Anit-war / Army wife dichotomy, it would be very powerful coming from someone like you!
Love the musings… always love your musings. Especially agree with the bitchin' about bad relationships here.
This is fun and a great way to stay in touch with a lot of people…Reality is still BETTER…or not….MAKE IT BETTER!!!…..or don't…anyway, sorry Britt, didn't mean to send you back to Paris…although I guess there's worse things:)