Introducing Monday Musings, which will be a weekly glimpse into this thorn patch I call a brain.
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Out of my entire Facebook friends list, I only talk to a handful of those people on the phone or see them in person. Fuck Facebook. It’s pretend contact. If anyone wants to go get coffee and actually sit down face-to-face, give me a call.
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My biological clock doesn’t tick…and I’m on the wrong side of twenty-five. Will the urge to have children ever consume me? I feel so whole without them, so happy with my career, I worry that they would wreck everything…self-centered little assholes…but then I see my two-year-old nephew and melt into a pile of powerless mush.
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Of all the things to bring back from the Eighties, why tapered-leg jeans?
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In this great big world, there’s so much room for activities, which is why I’ll never comprehend how people can be content to sit on their duffs WATCHING sports when they could be out PLAYING them. Why live out someone else’s glory when you can go grab some of your own?
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The more expensive the ring, the more fucked up the marriage.
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With each phone upgrade or change to my calling plan, Verizon adds two more years to my contract. At this rate, they’ll still own my ass well after I’m dead. Postmortem, do they charge astronomical cancelation fees or just call it even?
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Ugly twins are a bummer.
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Every time I say something stupid, my sister says “C’mere” and slaps me across the face. Yesterday, one of my comments was deemed bad enough to earn not only a backhand, but also a snot-covered booger on my arm. I screamed.
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Verdict: no love.
I suspect that if everyone had someone to love, someone who fiercely loved them back, power-plays and corruption would be almost non-existent. Deep down, beneath the cynicism and bullshit and heart-guarding walls, all anyone truly wants is to be loved.
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I get really annoyed with myself for being so judgmental, seeing as how I’m far from perfect. What gives me the right? Still, nothing fires me up like blatant injustice and/or idiocy.
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I need a manager for my career – like Don King, but for music – so that someone else can talk me up and push my songs. It’s not that I can’t handle the juggling act of being both an artist and a businesswoman; however, it’s socially unacceptable to get in people’s faces and insist that “I’m fucking awesome.”
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Despite always wanting more success, always pushing myself to the next level, I’m very happy with what I’ve achieved thus far. I’m not as concerned with being rich and famous as I am with feeling creatively satiated. I’d love for my art to sustain me financially, but regardless, I will write and sing until the day I die.
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America’s really cracked down on smoking and become super self-righteous and judgmental about anyone who chooses to. Meanwhile, the average U.S. citizen is obese, and the chain-smoking citizens of countries like France have longer life spans than us because they walk everywhere, canceling out a large amount of smoking’s adverse affects with daily exercise. Seems to me we all die of heart disease or cancer either way – may as well pick the cause you enjoy most, be it cigarette or Big Mac, and shut the fuck up.
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When I see elderly men in killer shape, their awesome calves flexing powerfully as they run six miles a day, I think, “Aw…he’s trying to cheat death. That’s so cute!”
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As I walked down the rue de Rivoli, a cute Parisian came towards me on roller skates. Not blades, but four-wheeler SKATES. Just as he neared, he looked into my face, lost his balance, and began flailing wildly, almost eating pavement but recovering at the crucial moment and skating away. My shoulders began to shake in a silent laugh, and once the man was well out of ear shot, I busted out an uproarious series of witch cackles, holding my stomach for support as my whole body quaked. Since then, not a day has passed that I haven’t wondered what Karma has in store for me as punishment.
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Author: Britt Warner
Comments
Britt Warner for President.
"Verdict: no love". I agree. If all the psychopaths and sociopaths of this world had received enough love as children and adults we'd be living in a different world. Insatiable thirst for power, greed, addiction and pretty much everything negative is a result of not enough love.
I always enjoy reading your posts, but definitely ones like these where each musing is only a couple sentences long yet sums up so much. More writers should seek this same quality over quantity.
The musing about the old guys trying to cheat death was hilarious. Really clever Britt.
Although I initially scoffed at Twitter, I think it's trained me to be less long-winded!
"however, it’s socially unacceptable to get in people’s faces and insist that “I’m fucking awesome."
No matter what country I'm living in at the moment, selling yourself always seems to be unacceptable to various degrees – even in America, the land of the free, where money magically grows on trees and anyone with an idea and the will to work at it can become a millionaire. I saw a trailer for a movie yesterday about the American school system – it said that even though American kids place something like 26 out of 30 in the world ranking of math skills, they rank number one in confidence. I'm thinking we have to check Wikipedia's definitions of confidence vs. ignorance before commenting on that any further, but in any case, at least there's still a chance that confidence (aka. self-marketing) still exists here. In the end, where does being socially acceptable get you? By the way, I'm fucking awesome!
These are good points, but so much of our American confidence doesn't have legs to stand on! There's the "fake it 'til you make it" school of thought, but I still find myself more drawn to great talents who are humble and grounded in the midst of their genius. Ya know?
I know a few geniuses and one thing they have in common is that they're definitely not grounded – totally the opposite actually, at least where their genius is concerned.
I know what you know about the lack of authenticity associated with the rise to fame. There comes a point in everyone's lives when they have to choose – do you compromise yourself in the name of material success and agree to slowly but surely loose yourself in the process, or take the authentic road and risk not getting very high on the ladder. It's not an easy choice…until you realize what you really have to lose…