Now contrary to your initial reaction to my New Year’s resolution, I am not on a quest to consume beer, beef and potatoes while I turn into a fried version of the latter on my fat ass in front of the tube. Nope, this is a different type of diet… the kind where man is my food and avoid consuming him will I ever!

A man-diet is saying farewell to overthinking, overanalyzing, emotionally attaching yourself, frustration, depression, waiting, wondering, hoping, wanting, feeling, and being overall a fucking pathetic woman in like or love – whatever you may like to admit.

A man-diet frees your time for yourself – allowing you to hit the gym, partake in expensive fitness classes and buy a shitload of sexy Lululemon gym-wear so you’ll go to the gym more to get your cute lil booty high and tight, your abs sculpted into amazingness and your arms loaded with fierceness.

A man-diet means more money to selfishly shop till you drop– spending superfluous amounts of your disposable income on designer jeans, cute purses, slutty weekend wear, trendy work wardrobe, loads of make-up, bundles of hair products and retail therapy that becomes a part of your life.

A man-diet is spending time with your girlfriends, laughing at how stupid each guy made you feel and how much better off you are without him, grabbing brunch and gabbing gossip about work and the lack of work life balance you have, the quarter life crisis you think you’re having and whether or not you’ll turn lesbian and find true love (since girls are not assholes) or freeze your eggs so you can have a baby when the time is right even if a man is not ready to be there with you.

A man-diet is loving life… over-indulging… excessively living… truly experiencing freedom. Freedom from the constant gloom that puts us in a frenzy of …

“Will he call?”

“Is my phone working?”

“Does he like me?”

“When should I put out?”

“I’ll just play hard to get …”

“I am independent and just want sex anyway” (and then getting emotionally attached shortly thereafter and passing it off as mere horniness)

“I’ll keep myself busy but I’m really secretly wondering if he’ll call”

“How is that fat-ass with a cute guy when my skinny ass is single?”

“Why can’t I fall in love too?”

“Will I ever get married?

“Why can’t I meet a guy like that?”

“Am I doomed for single-ness forever?”

“Will I ever be happy?”

OF COURSE YOU WILL! We don’t need men to be happy! We need them to remind us what happiness is and realize they are only one glimpse of true happiness. Because until you’re happy with yourself.. you’ll never be happy with a man – regardless of him being a jerk face who uses and abuses your beautiful body, mind and soul or him being the most compassionate and super sweetheart on this world. Love yourself… the man will come eventually. Until then, enjoy your life and check out Dailey Method – fucking amazing and trust me when I say… endorphins are better than the shit guys put you through or the orgasms – even multiple ones.