The newfangled interwebz have birthed a dubious phenomenon: online dating. In the interest of finding out more about this, I set up an online dating profile. On what site you ask? I’m not telling. I do not plan on finding love this way. It still strikes me as desperate and cheesy. Don’t try to find me.

I uploaded a slightly blurry picture, crossing my fingers that no one I knew would recognize me trolling for dates on the web. (Although I have to wonder: if they do find me, what the hell are they up to on there in the first place?) I filled out the profile information honestly. Then I waited. I get constant email alerts about new prospects. Each and every one of these men is laughably incompatible with me. I put that I am very liberal and a mother, and I keep getting paired up with rednecks and people who don’t want kids. WTF???

I can only conclude that the pool this website is drawing from is so shallow, there really isn’t anyone on there for me. No one that likes chicks with tattoos who voted for Obama. They can’t even find someone tall enough for me.