Piranha 3D is probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and I loved every second of it. It’s not a horror film, It’s more of an “OMFG I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED” film. It was made to be a comedy with an insane amount of gore and porn. There are more college boobs shoved into this movie alone, then there are on real spring break. The difference is at spring break at Lake Victoria (the setting of the movie) all of these boobs, and other body parts get torn to shreds. SHOCK AND AWE.
We start out with a drunken old man (Richard Dreyfus jaws style) fishing alone, when suddenly a huge rift opens up in the bottom of the lake and a billion ancient piranha’s swarm out and kill him. His half eaten hand shot out of the water and I screamed out loud.
It’s spring break at Lake Victoria meaning a ton of drunk and crazy college kids. Jerry O’Connell ( I have no idea what his characters name was I just wanted him to die the entire time) is there shooting a new porn for “Wild Wild Girls” and takes a local on board his boat for help. The local boy also ends up being the star of the film. He is in for the time of his life, or so he thought.
A team of “scientists” show up to investigate the fault on the lake floor, only to find THOUSANDS of piranha’s! The tough female sheriff calls in the national guard, the coast guard and the army, but they never show up, and she is left with her team of less than capable officers to get thousands of co-eds out the lake. But of course they don’t listen because they are drunk, naked, and out of control. UNTIL THIS HAPPENS:
Then they all decide they want to get out of the water at once, creating mass hyteria and a piranha’s dream feast. And the audience is practically puking in their seats watching body parts flying at their faces, including a penis.
I wasn’t expecting anything from this film other than a free set of 3d glasses and to laugh hysterically. The other people in the theater were extremely grossed out. Maybe I am just too desensitized from watching so many sick horror films that little shocks me anymore. However, I was gagging on my popcorn at some scenes like this one:
NEVERMIND I CAN’T SHOW YOU. IT’S TOO GRAPHIC. JUST WATCH THE TRAILER.
There is a lovely article posted on i09 which analyzes the film much deeper as a work of totalitarianism propaganda touting anti-evolution, anti-sex and pro police state conspiracy theories.
I just thought it was funny.
Author: Amy Awesome
