What I want to throw in your face today is the topic of sleeping with someone. Just sleeping…nothing else. Do you understand? It’s like you sleep with someone, and for once it’s not for ass. A lot of people don’t know the etiquette so I thought I would step in and enlighten you about some of them
First of all. If two men are sharing a bed because there is nowhere else to sleep, they need to wake up every hour to check and make sure they are not spooning. We all know there is someone out there with a camera phone, waiting for some gay action. And sleep on the opposite sides of the bed so there’s a lot of space in between.
2) If you are sleeping with someone, and it’s their bed, don’t take up all the space and blankets. It’s rude. I fucking hate when people take up the whole bed, or their ass is all up on my side of the border. Oh yes! I make borders! Especially when I’m drunk. I build forts! With pillows, chewed gum and beer cans. Nothing can pass through that bitch!
3) Don’t stare at the other person in the morning when they are still asleep. Why? Because that’s fucking spooky. If you wake up and someone is just staring at you, don’t you feel a little “meh” about it!? I do!
4) Not everyone is down to cuddle and spoon when they are trying to sleep. Like me personally, I can’t cuddle before sleeping; because I need to lay on my stomach to pass out. Don’t lay on my arm because that starts to hurt. Blood needs to flow and your dumb top heavy head is making it difficult for my precious blood to go through.
5) Don’t wake up and start a conversation close to my face. Ew.
6) If the other person snores really hard, fuck that, hit them.
7)Â Don’t wake the other person up when you wake. Who does that!?
Don’t pee yourself.
9) Don’t get put your face right next to the other person’s ear and breathe hot air into it. That is weird, uncomfortable and annoying.
10) Don’t take up all the pillows.
11) Don’t answer the phone in the middle of the night.
12) Bring me breakfast to my bed when I ask you to….
13) Don’t start complaining about your day before falling asleep. Who gives a shit!? I’m gonna fall asleep and forget anyway so who cares!?
14) If you talk during sleep, may the gods keep the wrath of Neave away from your face and such.
15) Don’t cough, sneeze and move a lot. Thanks.
16) Make sure your phone is just off completely.
17) Don’t look ugly or like an entirely different person when you wake up. It freaks people out.
Thank me later for teaching you something new on a Monday night. Stay Piss on face Free. Out.
