Listen sports enthusiasts, I don’t like sports. Sports are moronic, boring and weird. There, I said it, they are weird. But I think I made up a plan to get me interested in baseball and, as a result, will probably up the cool-o-meter with many other girls. Hot girls. Who doesn’t love hot girls? Exactly!

Ok, so I get that you pick a team that you love the bestest from the rest of the restest. How cute! A team! I am going to pick the Mets. Their colors are blue, orange and gray, and blue and orange compliment each other quite well. However, their website focuses way too much on the gray and I will just have to look past that for now. Their logo is also a bit too busy but it is all tied together with a fun baseball design. Nothing says fun like a baseball when you’re a logo for a baseball team! In the background of the logo is a silhouette of New York; I’m from New York so I dig this. Yes, the Mets are a good, solid pick for my new, favorite team.

The game starts and I yell for my team and stuff and all those other loyal fan kind of things. Go Mets! But what if my team starts looking stupid? What if they come out with uniforms that are dirty? I’m switching. What if Castillo goes to bunt and he misses the ball? Man, I hate when I see guys do that! Do it and make it or don’t do it at all. It looks stupid, no? Sorry team, Castillo ruined it and I am probably switching. Well, maybe I won’t switch if the Mets are playing the Rays who have a sorry logo. But you bet I am switching if they are playing the Phillies who have a logo that dots their “I’s” with stars.

I’d like to make sure that there isn’t too much butt slappage on my team. My first thought was that I wanted to have a team that had plenty of butt slapping but then I came to the realization that baseball players have hands and backs just like real people. You know, high fives are super cool, again, and back pats never went out.

A cute pitcher. Yes, my team will need a cute pitcher. I think the reason is obvious, if I am going to be staring at some guys face for a number of innings (see? I can totally do the whole baseball lingo thing) he better be tasty. Extra bonus points if he winks once in a while. Extra EXTRA bonus points if he’s actually winking at me. Thanks!

If I can see the curve of my team’s dong cups then I will have no choice but to be loyal. I see wiener I see France I see my team’s underpants! The tighter the points the stronger the loyalty. Go Mets!

As you can see there has been lots of effort put into picking my team, so I hope that I never come to regret my choice but my finger will always be on the ‘eject’ button, you know, just in case. I just can’t fathom the idea of watching your ‘own’ team where they are losing big time and you still admitting to being a fan. I say, don’t admit you were a fan in the first place. You can easily say your Angels hat is a clever joke! Or hey, simply say you are now going for the Yankees because they’re sweeping the field with your initial team of choice. Come on, go for the winning team!

We’ve learned a lot here.

Yup, I think I can definitely get use to this.

Go team!