Who here has stayed up ridiculously late at night only to find yourself watching crazy infomercials? Raise your hand if you have. Come on now, you aren’t tricking anyone. Raise them up, because I am. I am extremely guilty of this sinful pleasure. There is something about their tacky production values and hollow promises that just lures you in. They are sort of the late night solution to daytime soap operas.

Needless to say I found myself the other night peering upon possibly the greatest infomercial ever created. It offered something so out of this world that I found the urge to pick up my phone and purchase it immediately. Thank the heavens that my dumb fucking self had lost my card just a few days prior.

This Godly item that was up for purchase was more than your typical piece of shit that just clutters up your home. This item in all its majesty is also a fashion statement.

What I’m talking about ladies and gentleman is The Snuggie!

Get this. It is a luxurious fleece blanket with arm sockets! Yes, sleeves! Meaning you can wear this bad boy around looking like you are Gandalf the fucking Grey there to save Dildo Baggins. In fact if you don?t enjoy Lord of the Cock Rings as I do you can pretend to be Merlin.  If neither of those characters works for you maybe you could just consider being some weirdo from the middle ages. Just take a look in this awesome sample of the infomercial that mesmerized me that faithful night.

You know what, forget all the weird medieval crap I was talking about. If you want to join or even start a cult you should just invest in a bunch of these Snuggies. After watching that video again I realized they are sublimely promoting and telling you to either join or start a cult. I mean just look at the actors in video. Whole groups of people at a sporting event all “sporting” the same attire that is not team related: obvious sign of a cult! Everyone at an overnight camp outing around a big fire wearing the same thing: Obvious sign of a cult!

If these don’t become the newest and latest fashion trends I’m going to be super pissed.

Anyway, I have two favorite portions of this cultish video. The first is that they try selling you on their cult attire by offering you a stupid folding flashlight. HOLY SHIT! A BOOK LIGHT?!? WELL I DEFINITELY NEED TO BUY THAT BLANKET NOW! I mean it is the perfect fashion accessory to your wizard’s robe.

Secondly, I find it particularly comical how they brag about its warming abilities and how they demonstrate oh you can do all these awesome tasks whilst staying warm. That in itself is not the funny part. The outrageously funny moment is when a mother is playing with her infant child staying nice and toasty and they have the little child out unprotected by the Snuggie as if it were some bastard child.

So as you can obviously conclude as I did, the Snuggie as a fashion trend promotes an interesting agenda. That agenda being of a new cult fashion statement with the need to accessorize with folding book lights and the hatred and mistreatment of infant children. I mean why would the baby need to stay warm? So who’s down to buy one with me? I already have dibs on the sage green.

Latetronz,