A while back I started a list of songs that are less than the best to have playing while losing el v-card: “Songs Not To Lose Your Virginity To: A Field Guide”. Here’s your second installment-

1. Theme song to HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm (Larry David’s character in that show= awkward. Sex for the first time=usually awkward. Two awkwards don’t make a right.)
2. Pro wrestler The Undertakers Theme Song(A. the person you’re sleeping with likes pro wrestling, or B. the person you’re sleeping with loves pro wresting.)
3. Jack Johnson-”Upside Down”(Creepy connotations as it is from the Curious George soundtrack, and besides Jack is pretty irrelevant these days anyway.)
4. Lil’ Wayne-”Prom Queen” (Lil’ Wayne has bad teeth. No one wants to think about poor dental hygiene while having sex.)
5. Limp Bizkit-”Break Stuff”(Everyone’s mom liked this song for some reason…)
6. Tim and Eric-”Doo Dah Doo Doo”(Set aside the awesome weirdness of this song and just focus on the lines where they prompt you to “think about your dad” and make the statement “smells like rotten meat”.)
7. Devo-”Peek A Boo”(Ah hell… insert your own witty comment here:____________________________)
8. Motley Crue-”Dr. Feelgood”(After reading their tell all book The Dirt I am rather certain that you should not consider the crazy random things they did with girls at this point in your sex life.)
9. Ace Of Base-”All That She Wants (Is Another Baby)”(See: the name of this song.)
10. Haddaway-”What Is Love” (Listening to this song obviously makes you think of one movie, and if this song is playing while you lose your virginity it is possible that Chris Kattan is somehow involved, you are 30 years old in a maroon suit, or will soon bust out your car window head banging.)

(photos courtesy of Flickr’s Creative Common’s license program)

• The Sonorus