Tag Archives: Britt Warner

I don’t consider myself to have impossible standards when looking for a potential mate. I value simple things, like honesty, empathy, and generosity. However, there are a few qualities a man must posses for my interest to be held; lucky for me, after much trial and error, I found someone who goes above and beyond [...]

Originally, burlesque stood out from cheesier forms of comedy in that it achieved uproarious laughter through caricature and distortion, lacking end-of-story morals or ethical elements. Think Will Ferrell as opposed to Sandra Bullock.

They want to know where I fit in, how they can label me in a way that’s easy to understand. Are we really that lazy?

I’m not one to indulge double-standards, but when it comes to sex, there’s at least one glaring difference between men and women. Yes, genitalia would be one of those differences, but no, that’s not what I’m referring to. While the modern woman loves to pretend she can separate sex and love in the same manner that men can, it’s often just not that easy.

Hey single dads! Of course you deserve to have a social life, but not at the expense of the spawn who look up to you.

I’m not fifteen anymore, freshly discovering that my body is a vast playground of sensational possibilities. I am a grown woman with needs, none of which include sticking a piece of buzzing machinery between my legs like I’m some bloody robot who’s been magically blessed with a clit.

Their music calls to mind a groovier, psychedelic time of doe eyes and go-go boots, of Playboy Centerfolds who displayed tan lines and pubic hair. Make no mistake, though. The songs of Dean & Britta are timeless.

It should be a given that you don’t fuck your family, but judging from the minuscule gene pools in certain parts of this country, a few of you missed the memo.

When a relationship ends, it is called a break-up. When family members cease all contact, they are dubbed “estranged”. What about the end of a friendship, though? Is there some clever pop-cultural term used to describe this phenomenon?

While there’s nothing wrong with being a housewife or a mother, it’s incredibly damaging to inundate the collective subconscious of women with the message that it’s the ONLY thing they’re meant for.

For people trying to network in the entertainment fields, MySpace has become a necessary evil*. That does NOT mean we all need to put our inner slut/sociopath/pussy/bitch/douchebag/rapist/stalker/egomaniac on display for total strangers to see and form opinions about. Most of us are guilty of at least one MyCrime, but it’s never too late to self-reform.

In today’s world of emoticons and simulated smileys, inanimate faces jump out at me more often than ever. Everywhere I look, there’s yet another lifeless object that appears to be anything but. Imagine my delight when I found a blog entirely devoted to this phenomenon.

By Britt Warner

It was hard to write that title with a straight face. Anyone who’s actually stoked on getting older has either a death wish or an obscenely impressive sense of humor.

It’s October, which means that at the end of this month, I “celebrate” another year spent in existence.

“The day you were born was the [...]

With all of the outlandish theories that exist, is it any crazier to think that we’re here to experience Love?

Schadenfreude is the word used to describe the phenomenon of people getting off on the misfortunes of others. Seeing someone else experience tragedy – especially someone you perceive as being hotter, more famous, or simply luckier than you – makes you feel better about your own life. Pretty fucked up, huh?

Sad emo kids would use their menstruating dicks as pencils, writing death-obsessed poetry in period blood across their bedroom walls.

I published Part I of this series a couple months ago as a sort of love letter to Bill Maher’s “New Rules,” which you can read here. Britt’s Laws are back with a whole new list of legalities that would be commonplace if I had things my way.

In my ongoing quest to connect with members of my own species, I often come across one particularly common phenomenon: smart people who do stupid things.

No woman in her right mind wants to be called “ma” or “li’l mama” or “baby gurl” or even “sweetie,” especially if you are nothing more than a MySpace acquaintance whom I’ve never met in person

Gay and lesbian soldiers are willing to put their lives in danger – something most of us want no part of – and yet our leaders have the audacity to deny them one of the very freedoms they’re fighting for? I call “bull-shit.”

It threw me off-guard when I recently realized that most of my childhood memories are layered in a thick fog. Then a song will come on that sends me rushing back through time, flooded with smells and dialogue and feelings

Can we all agree that the nuclear bomb and its cousins have no rightful place in ANYBODY’S hands? This world is fucked up enough as it is – did we really need to create a weapon that could easily kill off all of humanity?

It’s possible that everything on this list is wrong, including this sentence

If I ever break down and buy a television, it will be for two reasons: Weeds and Real Time With Bill Maher.

By Britt Warner

If you’re in Los Angeles on the night of June 6th, your time and money would be well-spent at The Knitting Factory. One hundred percent of the proceeds from Blazin’ Hope III go to charity, and the event itself features live performance artists showcasing dance, hip-hop, spoken-word, and world flavor.
Kristeen Singh, founder [...]