The Art of Flirtexting

Like it or not, flirtexting is the new first step in dating, and it is here to stay. We all know that a majority of men hate talking on the phone, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that most men prefer to text. They don’t just prefer to text; they love to text. In fact, men like to text so much that they’ll usually send you an icebreaker text before they even consider calling you. The only problem with the classic icebreaker text, however, is that if you don’t know how to respond, you’ll get stuck in the text zone, and before you know it, you’re in a purely textual relationship that you didn’t want to be in to begin with.

You know you’re in a textual relationship when the only way for you to communicate with someone is through texting. Have you ever encountered someone in your life who never answers the phone when you call, yet that person has no problem sending you a text message soon after? This person may even write you an essay for a text message, or perhaps a series of text messages that span a period of 30 minutes, when you could have easily given your thumbs a rest with what could have been said in a simple five minute phone call.

Communication via text messaging clearly has its pros and cons, but more people need to learn how to use text messages more objectively, or strategically if you’re an avid dater. The objective or strategic use of text messaging in dating is referred to as flirtexting, or flirting via text. The art of flirtexting refers to the act of crafting the best possible text message and knowing when to press send, according to Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, authors of Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart.

“A great text draws attraction and more interest towards you,” wrote the authors .

So we know that men like to text, but what about women? Women like to talk. In fact, women love to talk. Women like to talk so much that it’s hard to get them off the phone without being rude or interrupting them. Can you see a conflict of interest at play here? While some men may prefer to text, some women may prefer to call just as well. And we wonder why men and women never seem to understand each other… it’s because we’re not communicating through the same channels.

Now that flirtexting has been thrown into the dating mix, we now have a more universal mode of communication.

“We date, therefore we text.” - Flirtexting

Flirtexting is officially the new first step in dating. (Maybe not always, but definitely most of the time). First impressions are no longer made via first dates, but via first texts instead. When you meet someone in person or online, clearly you have made a good first impression if you’ve managed to exchange numbers. But getting the number is the easy part; it’s the follow up that isn’t always as easy for some daters.

Traditionally, the follow up used to be a phone call, but now it’s commonly seen as a text message: ”Had fun last night. When do we get to hang out again?” Or the unoriginal classic:” Hey, what’s up”

Back in the day, a phone call used to be your chance to make a second “first” impression, but phone calls have now evolved to text messaging. Texting seems to have replaced the classic phone call altogether or may simply precede the phone call (for those who dare to be so bold) as an icebreaker to make you more receptive to the call. Whether you choose to call or text as a follow up, the notion behind flirtexting is that the follow up is just as important as your initial first impression becuase it is essentially your second “first” impression and your chance to re-establish the connection that prompted the exchange of phone numbers in the first place.

How to Text Flirt

When it comes to flirtexting there are really only three important factors to consider:

No. 1: Know what you want.

Flirtexting involves strategy, and you can’t have a strategy if you don’t know what you want. If you want a boyfriend, don’t send text messages that give off the impression that you’re the booty call type. If you want a booty call, don’t send text messages that give one the false hope that you’re interested in something more.

No. 2: Determine your best possible text.

Your best possible text, or “BPT” in text messaging shorthand, is the art of saying what you want to say in the best possible way. It’s all about framing your intent in a subtle yet desirable way. In other words, you have to figure out what you want so you can strategically craft your text message in such a way that you will get your desired response. If you want to go on a date with someone, then sending a text message that says “what’s up” isn’t going to quite cut it for you unless you’re expecting someone to text you back with:

“The sky”

Or

“Busy”

Or

“My penis. Bring the condoms… Bitch”

No. 3: Know when to press send.

Your response time will naturally vary from text message to text message depending on the context of your environment, your personal schedule, or even the operating status of your phone (silent or vibrate mode, broken or not charged). But it is indeed important to note that your “BPT” in the context of your response time may be giving off an impression that you may or may not want to convey.

There are three classifications of response times that each give off different impressions based on the context of your text. The perfect example of how response times affect how someone perceives you is when you receive a text message after 10 p.m., typically known as a booty call text, or “BCT”.

An instant response within minutes of receiving a BCT indicates one of two perceptions. You may be very interested in this person, but the truth of the matter is that an instant response gives off the desperate vibe, like you’ve been waiting for any opportunity to see this person, even if it’s just for booty.

A delayed response within a span of 30 minutes or more indicates that you either may be playing games or that you’re just the mysterious type. Of course, we would hope to give off the mysterious vibe, but we may give off the opposite vibe if we use the delayed response method too frequently.

The final response classification is no response at all, which means only one of two things in the world of flirtexting. Either you are not interested in the text (i.e. “BCT”) or you aren’t interested at all. After being ignored enough times, one might take a hint, and if only certain texts are being ignored at certain times, you may want to take another hint.

Flirtexting Wrap Up

The classic dating game that everyone thinks is so complicated is really very simple. It involves knowing who the players are (men and women), knowing what the ultimate prize is (meaningful relationship or meaningless sex) and knowing how to win (strategy). In this classic game of love and lust, your secret weapon is your cell phone. Use it wisely.

Images by: Mikey P

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