Is love really all about the butterflies?

Some people mistakenly believe that love is an infection you can’t control. I was one of those people. In fact, I made the kiss-n-ditch routine a common practice of mine in hopes of feeling that initial spark.

For a long time, I was looking for the magic of a kiss – the kind of magic that gave you butterflies inside. Yet after a plethora of men, and kiss after kiss, I never quite found what I was looking for, and soon I realized how foolish I had been to believe in an infectious love bug that’s only as real as the tooth fairy.

Then it dawned on me that I’ve never really felt butterflies in the beginning of a relationship, like so many do. Instead, the butterflies grew inside of me and manifested over time. In fact, the beginning of my longest relationships originated as blossoming friendships.

Over a period of time and supposed courtship, the so-called love bug would eventually bite me in the arse. Once infected, I’d become weak with desire – desire to nurture, to love and to be the woman my man needed me to be. Only with such intense desire did the butterflies finally come.

Actually to say I’ve never felt butterflies is inaccurate. I have felt them and it is indeed a wonderful feeling that gives you the illusion of being bitten by the love bug. If there is one thing I have learned in my short life thus far, it’s that butterflies don’t always have to come right away.

To filter out a potential mate on account of a lack of butterflies is a ridiculous notion. If love compatibility equates to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, then why is it that so many fail to remember that real butterflies are actually manifested from within?

Real butterflies never spawn as the beautiful creatures that they are, full of such color and life. In fact, they’re creatures of evolution, just like we are. Butterflies go through three main life stages that sort of coincide with the natural progression of love. They first originate as embryos and develop into ugly little caterpillars. In much the same way, love begins as a planted seed that needs to be nurtured for it to grow into something, if anything at all.

The next stage of a butterfly’s life cycle is the pupa stage during which the caterpillar undergoes a unique transformation while remaining dormant within its caccoon. Then it goes through metamorphasis and blossoms to become a full-fledged flaming butterfly. It’s at this stage that love becomes serious.

For those who believe that love is an infection, butterflies appear instantaneously. For those who believe that love is a choice, butterflies are born over a period of time. So does that mean you can choose not to love someone despite butterflies? Of course. It’s a free country.

The real question I pose to you is this: Is love really all about the butterflies like Walt Disney made us believe, or is it really all about the conscious mind and the checklists we’ve built in our heads?

Share your thoughts about the “butterfly effect” by posting a comment.

• Kiss & Tell