“All Rise”
The bailiff who resembled the guy from MASK said (the shitty Cher one. Not the Jim Carrey/Cameron Diaz piece of cinematic gold one). This was when I got my first look at my nemesis/ would-be soul mate…Lindsay Lohan.
Just Lindsay being hot-ass Lindsay
She was giving me the elevator eyes in a way that said “wow…you’re really hot, in an unattainable I’d love to have you penetrate me, way.” I responded the way I normally do: by casually writing down my cell number on a Spago napkin I’d been saving, wadding it up and fast-balling it at her dome.
Then I laid eyes on the man with whom I’d learn the most about myself from… John MacGregor. He was representing the soon to be Mrs RICHASFUCK (my last name. I had it changed once I realized that I was, in fact, Rich as Fuck.) His woolly, Armani knock-off suit was laughable. I immediately assumed he was a douchebag…over the next few weeks of court proceedings, he would prove me right.
“Hey Mark, how come you get to do whatever you want all the time? Like being lead council in what will no doubt result in the most publicly covered court case of the millennium.”
When you have the kind of old money that I do, you can basically do whatever you want. Like the time I threw a bunch of cash at the Major League Baseball organization and played that one summer of little league for the Boston Red Sox. It was your basic 9 year old’s fantasy come true.
In this case, I came to represent the E-Trade Corp by matter of Circumstance (Circumstance being I again, threw a colon-load of money at the CEO of E-Trade, and he appointed me lead council in the defense of his multi-billion dollar company regardless of the fact that I have a retarded child’s knowledge of the law, and it’s workings) and now, I’ve had to once again pull myself up by my bootstraps (just kidding. I wouldn’t be caught DEAD in boots. HAHAAA Get it??? Because boots are for lower class cowboys.) and represent this no-name company.
Lindsay was looking stunning in her sack-cloth looking pant-suit. I assume Idaho is now going to be the fashion capital of the world after her courtroom attire is leaked by TMZ.
“Focus, Mark. You’re desirable, just …. soooo rich, and you are in a very very powerful position right now…she’ll be putty in your perfectly manicured hands after this case is over. But, for now. Daddy’s gotta work.
I look over at my slack-jaw of a client:
Pathetic excuse for a CEO. Looks like his mom dressed him.
They’re going to want opening statements soon…so I reach over and grab my Blackberry and Google “How to win in court”.
This was going to be my legacy. (Well, that. And being, ya’ know. Just richer’en SHIT!!! Suck it Lower Class!!!)
{If you’re interested in reading the prosecution’s side of the coin as told by lead “attorney” John MacGregor (but why would you?), you can read his tale HERE. Stay tuned, as this story unfolds}
Author: Mark C
