Z…O….M…G. I was blown away by the season finale of The Real Housewives of Orange County. I have to admit that I’ve been a fair weather friend to my housewives. I watched the first season with Jo and Lauri, then sort of drifted away as they added new people (that Christian woman who dated younger men, Tammy Knickerbocker with her armband tattoo, etc.). But I got sucked in to this season by a rainy San Francisco day and a Bravo marathon.
Have you noticed how easy it is to get sucked in by a TV marathon? They say that residents stay on shifts for those crazy 24-hour shifts so they can follow a patient’s case the entire way through? That’s what happens with the TV marathon? Instead of one hour a week, I’m sucked in, watching the development of the characters (or at least how much more duck-like new housewife Alexis’s lips get each episode) for hours on end. Seeing the whole series all at one time is far more compelling than having to wait around for weeks. It’s 2010 people! I’m watching around 800 hours of kitten footage on YouTube footage in between TV eps.
Alexis purses up her duck bill for her gross 50-year-old husband
Anyway, after the San Francisco fight among the housewives, Lynne and Frank getting evicted, Tamra and Simon fighting some more, Alexis forcing her mom into getting an eyebrow lift, and Vicki sending her assistant to give Tamra a bday gift (BURN), it was time for the end of the summer Housewives’ gala.
Slade and Gretchen are, like, so totally happy... and not just for the cameras
Gretchen and Slade dressed like bride and groom, and apparently, he might propose. Lauri comes to the party, though, and rains on Gretchen’s parade when she tells her that Slade and her dated right after he dated Jo. What? Slade is a fame whore? Noooo.
Awktown, USA - Lauri tells Gretchen that, yes, her and Slade totes dated
Alexis’s mom, with the new forehead, shows up wearing black lipliner—I mean, why did the plastic surgeon make her into a Chola?
Random guy and Chola mom Penelope
Vicki shows up in a completely age and body-inappropriate yellow backless dress. Her poor frumpy daughter, Brianna, is far more conservatively dressed. Simon and Vicki hiss at each other a little, but Vicki doesn’t want ANY MORE DRAMA.
But Vicki isn’t the only reason Simon is upset. He and Tamra got into a major fight on the way to the party. First, he wouldn’t let her wear anything she wanted to because she was a “married woman.” Simon, when did you turn into Jim (for the uninitiated, Alexis’s extremely controlling and crass husband)? Then Simon accused Tamra of being a bad mom in the limo and she got spitting mad. Like I felt the tension through the screen. Even though it is a “reality” show, I felt Tamra’s pain. Why does it seem that you always get into a fight with an S.O. on the way somewhere important? The biggest boyfriend fights I’ve ever been in are on the way to dinner parties, restaurants, birthday parties, etc.
Good thing Tamra is wearing big ol’ shield glasses to hide her tears. She makes up with Vicki really quick like and says, finally, that she does want a divorce. Wow. Seriously, wow. Tamra’s entourage, her rebel son Ryan and Fountain Valley one-bedroom condo mom, are by her side while Simon storms out of the party.
Drama with Lynne and Frank, or, actually their daughters. Party girl Raquel and Alexa, who desperately wants to be grounded, if only because that would mean some sort of attention from Lynne and Frank, got into the vodka in the limo on the way there. They are wasted. Lynne and Frank ignore it, as usual. OK, if I was 17 and wasted at my parents’ friends’ party, I would be yanked out of there and grounded for life. Frank shrugs and says Alexa will probably just throw up. Lynne, who does not have two brain cells to rub together, just opens her eyes really wide and tries to hawk another one of her signature cuffs.
Jeana, bimbo Lynne, and her Slurry McSloperson daughter Alexa
In the end, we learn the housewives’ fate after the season. We already know that Simon filed for divorce from Tamra, and has been saying that she slept with his best friend. Jim is actually letting Alexis work… at her plastic surgeon’s office. Vicki’s frumpy daughter doesn’t have cancer, son Michael is now working for her and living at home still, Vicki and Donn are still totes in love after that trip to Turks and Caicos. Frank and Lynne moved into a condo they can afford (and hopefully pushed whiny brat Alexa and partaaaay girl Raquel out). And guess what… Gretchen and Slade are nowhere close to being married. Wah wah.
Can’t wait for the reunion next week!
Author: Ailene
