Have you ever dated someone and wondered, “what the hell was I thinking?” when looking back on it after the relationship was over? You, an intelligent, good-looking, confident person somehow got suckered into a relationship by a wishy-washy, pathetic, and insecure person. It’s hard to believe that you would’ve allowed that to happen. But, you did.

It happens to the best of us, and the reasons why may vary. One of the main reasons is that you consciously chose to ignore the signs that this person was not the one for you because you wanted them to be “the one” so badly. Often times, your friends or family may have even voiced their opinions for this less than stellar choice you made, but you brushed it off under the notion that they just didn’t know him like you did.

You may have ignored these signs for months, even years. You knew something wasn’t right, but you couldn’t put your finger on exactly what it was, so you pretended like it didn’t exist until you found yourself in a state of unsettled happiness, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Just when you think you can’t take another minute of feeling this way, something changes. You start to realize that you quiet your feelings just to avoid a fight. You cry more than laugh, and your shine has all but disappeared. You realize that you want to move forward, not just in the relationship, but in life, and this person is perfectly content with staying in the same place. Not only is your partner content, but your partner is angry that you would dare change the game on them and want something more. Suddenly, you realize that you’ve become the worst version of yourself.

Then one day, you reach the endpoint when finally you are able to see things so clearly that you are embarrassed you couldn’t see it before. This conclusion can be difficult, because you’ve put in so much effort and have invested so much time in your relationship. Then again, maybe that’s what makes it easy. You have put in the effort, while the other person has been half-assing it. You’ve wasted time hoping for a change.

This breakup is followed by a time when you return to your former self… to just being you. When you realize what you can learn from the situation and the error of your ways,  you can have some time for yourself and allow yourself the opportunity to really move on.

After you’ve truly let go, if you really have faith, right when you least expect it, life will present you with an upgrade. When it happens, it’s a strange feeling because for so long you’ve been looking over your shoulder. But you don’t feel the sadness or humiliation or unsettling feelings that you once did in the past. So you just keep moving forward, forget what you left behind and slowly follow the road to your future happiness.

• Kiss & Tell