The Single White Female wants a boyfriend. She sets her sight on an acquaintance, and initiates “something more”. “Something more” ensues. On the first date, SWF and John talk for hours in a busy bar over beers, shots, and mixed drinks. Their first kiss is electrifying, intensified by the alcohol, the loud music and the surrounding hysteria of the drunk bar patrons. SWF hasn’t felt butterflies like this in many years, since the first time she fell in love long ago. She knows she treads dangerous waters. Exposing herself so immediately and honestly – letting her heart dictate her actions, letting the kiss satiate her passion – brings on a melancholy sense of foreboding even during this joyful first kiss.  The beautiful boy sitting next to her suggests going back to his apartment for another drink, and SWF happily acquiesces. She would do anything for John in that moment; she wants to kiss him forever and feel his tongue everywhere, all at once.

The two migrate to John’s apartment, where an obligatory beer is consumed and conversation continues. SWF hears nothing; she can only stare at John’s lips.

Later, they fuck awkwardly and nervously. SWF can’t enjoy herself; fucking on a first date labels a girl a slut. She prays that John realizes she truly likes him and desires him in every way, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. SWF is astounded at her intense longing for this man, and so soon.

SWF learns quickly that instant devotion and giving oneself purely to another person without prudence and self-preservation leads to a hard fall. After the initial sexual encounter, for a month and a half of glorious sex, innumerable orgasms, cuddling, laughter, and adventure, SWF radiates in the splendor of coupledom. However, realization eventually sets in that the difference between lust and love prove difficult to separate. Does she crave John’s smile, his kisses, his fingers, his sex? Yes, so absolutely the desire exists like a sixth sense. Yet, in their relationship lies nothing more. He likes Phish; she likes the Presets. He likes Palahniuk; she likes Tolstoy. He likes a girl in jeans and a tee; she likes dressing to the nines in stilettos and dresses. SWF knows that eventually she will find a boy who gives her a lot of orgasms and likes to dance.

SWF returns to the single life, refreshed yet cautious. She keeps her heart closed.

*photo courtesy of google image search

• Kiss & Tell