If you’re in a sexual relationship with someone, it’s healthy to mix it up a little. Sex, like life, is best when varied. You do a little of this, a little of that, and if you’re lucky, no two times are alike. I call it Snowflake Sex.
A gentleman with any sexual etiquette whatsoever will make sure his girl is sufficiently fulfilled prior to getting his. Call me old fashioned, but I have a great appreciation for a man who says, “Ladies first.” He’ll hold the door open so you can proceed before him (although this works to his benefit as well, as he gets to check out your ass), and he’ll also pleasure you tirelessly so you can, well, proceed before him. After such chivalry, it is only good manners to reward him for his efforts. This is where doggy-style is great. The juxtaposition of making tender love, followed by rugged, animalistic humping, can be a beautiful thing. And again, he gets to check out your ass.
Now, it is one thing to do it like dogs for a bit during the course of the whole, varied sexual session or during, say, a quickie in the shower. However, if you are with a man who ONLY wants to hit it from the back EVERY time you have sex and NEVER wants to fuck face-to-face, you should be concerned. Basically, he’s not attracted to your ugly mug. Being in a position that might cause you to look each other in the eye would take him out of his fantasy world, where he’s picturing a woman he’s actually lusting after. Harsh, but true.
So why’s he with you? Well, he’s most likely holding on to you until something “better” comes along. Dog’s gotta eat, right? A lot of men would rather have sex with someone they’re repulsed by and pretend she’s someone else than have to masturbate themselves into a coma until their nonexistent dream woman shows up. It’s laziness, and you’re making it all too easy by sticking around.
Advice to Women
Ladies, if you think your man simply has “intimacy issues”, I have three things to say to you: “ha-ha,” “oy vey,” and “good luck with that.” When a man falls madly in love, he will find that he has no control over his vulnerability – even the toughest, most hardened of assholes will suddenly take pleasure in spending hours in bed with his soul mate, pouring his pulp of a heart out in all its flawed entirety… and reveling in all that YOU have to say. You deserve to have the tendrils of hair tenderly brushed from your cheek as your man gazes down into your beautiful face and grinds you into a frenzied explosion. Hold out for that if it’s what you dream of. If you LIKE being pounded into night after night like a faceless piece of shit, then stay right where you are and forget I said anything.
Advice to Men
Buy a plastic vagina, or better yet, stop fucking chicks who repulse you. Life is too short and yet, you’re spending the majority of your days feeling like you need a shower. I guarantee you will feel less dirty if you raise your standards. Be picky. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, so stop listening to what your douche bag friends are telling you and follow your dick – I mean, heart. If you’ve been hooking up with the same girl for two years and still refuse to call her your girlfriend, cut her loose. If you really believe that doggy-style is the “only way” you can get off, then she’s not the only one you’re lying to. Be honest with yourself. Hooking up with a so-so girl a couple times just to feed the beast is acceptable and even understandable, but don’t extend it beyond that. Get just enough to hold you over, and then have the sensibility (and balls) to move on. Your dream girl might be out there after all, and if she is, I guarantee she’s going to want missionary once in awhile… and you just might be stoked on her enough to want it, too.
(Author’s Note: This article is meant to address men who ONLY want to do it from behind. Please do not flood me with comments about how doggy-style is totally legit. I fully endorse the position as being part of a balanced, well-rounded sex life, especially when thrown in with a Hot Carl, a Strawberry Shortcake, Space Docking, the Rusty Trombone, a Donkey Punch, and, lest I forget, the Red Wing Kid).
[Originally published February 9, 2009]
Author: Britt Warner
Comments
“You (women) want the truth? You can’t Handle tthe truth!”
a gentleman with sexual etiquette… I love it! Let me proceed first baby! haha
Sex is for enjoying. Etiquette is for prudes. Knowing that your partner and you are connecting on a level higher than just the physical one matters more than etiquettes.
1. since there isn’t an image credit, i’m going to assume that’s your ass, and DAMN BABY GIRL!!
2. totally agree with this. some people are so desperate for sex, i suppose he’ll bone ugly chicks, and she’ll acquiesce to feel wanted and to get some dick. and yeah, a higher level of connection is paramount, but that can’t really be achieved if you can’t look at your partner in the face?
Hahahaha, Liv, I wish I was that bootily-blessed, but no, that is NOT my ass…I’m simply negligent about photo credits if I’ve found them on Google Images.
And yeah – connection involves eye contact, if only for a few seconds here and there. Etiquette isn’t for prudes. Even the downest, dirtiest couples respect and consider each other’s pleasure enough to be able to HAVE that connection in the first place. And the BEST couples get off on getting one another off. Regardless of who comes first, neither can feel satisfied until they’ve rocked each other’s worlds. Smash-and-grab dudes never seem to understand that concept.
I sure hope that if a woman is reading this article gets to read my post as well.
Firs of, the author mentions only one reason of a list off probably a thousand reasons why a guy only has sex doggy style or any one position. Men are always being portrayed as selfish and not taken into consideration when it comes to emotional issues. Some guys will only have sex in one position because maybe they cant have sex any other way because they will loose their erection and they don't know why. Some men will abstain from kissing wile having sex because maybe when they had their first sexual experiences, something happened that makes them feel overly intimate every time they have sex now, it could be something subconcious that they are not even aware of, maybe they are used to masturbating because they have been single for a very long time or haven't had a steady partner in a while, you must remember that masturbating requires a guy to do all the work with his hand and not his body. I think that if you are a woman and your man is having this behavior with you, you should be smart and understanding, think outside the box.