I am Hooton and I am the writer, co-writer, co-side writer and that guy who just sits there….writer.
This post might be a little in your face. It’s not even bad or anything, it’s just my point of view and it might be different than what you think, so if you don’t agree with me, I’m sorry. I don’t care, my post, my opinion, my goodies.
The subject is saving yourself until marriage. when someone says “hey listen, I’m saving this hole/stick for that guy girl I’m going to marry in 8 years” I respect that, that’s totally cool. shows that you have a lot of will power. Also it shows that you probably play with yourself a lot and you are fine with that, I’m fine with that too.
1) You don’t even know who the fuck you are going to marry, aka ruin their life, aka give up on your hopes and drams, AKA spend $23,862,836 for a night of drunkenness, also known as “getting married.” You don’t know who the hell you are saving it for. So like….what the fuck? Where is the logic in that?
2) What if that other person is not a virgin? Then what? Don’t you feel like an outcast? Yes you do. Don’t even bullshit me. Only cops, Mormons and O.J Simpson lie and I don’t think you want to be put in the same category. Plus when you guys start doing it for the first time, it is going to be the most awkward experience ever. If you really think your first time having sex is going to involve candles, puppies and Whitney Houston, you are wayyy off.
3) What if the son of a bitch you marry has a small dick? Come on, let’s face it, if the sex sucks your relationshit will go down the hill faster than Lindsay Lohan’s career. Or guys! What if the girl you marry just lays there during sex? Or what if her fungina is like a cave? Or what if her vaj is really…umm…roast beef like? Every think of that!?
What if the person you marry is totally violent in bed? Like they become a UFC fighter when they are having sex, then you are screwed. Unless you are into that weird stuff. I would actually like to add something. It freaks me out sometimes how people have a completely different personality in bed. Some girls go from “Oh my God! Jesus is great!” to “Yeah!!! Tell me I’m your slut and punch me in the face!!!” It’s really weird.
so I, personally, along with my female friend Katt, and half of America, think we should test drive our investment before buying it.
So go have sex right now.
Author: Newton Hooton
