“I can’t wait to go out with my girlfriends tonight and find a guy! Hm…what am I going to wear. Maybe that new BCBG dress I just got? It makes my legs look fabulous…”

 

“I wonder what my ex is up to these days. Man, he was hot. Insane, but hot. I loved fucking him…” (Proceeds to fantasize about fucking her ex)

 

“Did I remember to take my birth control pill yesterday? The day before that? Today? This week? Uh…I better have him come on my stomach.”

 

“I don’t bend that way. What the fuck is he doing. My leg does not physically go in that direction. I wish he’d stop trying to jam my leg past my ear. Oh my god I can’t feel my leg.”

 

“Tiffany’s ring…Tiffany’s ring…Tiffany’s ring…diamonds….he’s going to propose to me, I know it! I know it! Ooooooh Tiffany’s ring… I’m coming I’m COMING! TIFFANY’S RING!!!!!!”

 

“Oh I totally have to update my relationship status on Facebook. Are we complicated? Does this make us in a complicated thing? Should I ask him if we’re in a relationship? Do I even bring it up or do I wait for him to mention it?”

 

“What the hell is poking me? That’s not even the right hole. Is this guy a virgin? Ooowwww that’s my butthole, you idiot!“

 

“Oh my god I want to laugh at his O face. He looks like he just ate a lemon peel. Why is he making that noise?! I can’t believe it. I’m laughing! He’s going to be so sad but I can’t help it! HAHAHA!”

 

Boys, if you do it right, this is all that should be going through your woman’s mind:

 

Thoughts not able to form due to complete and utter ecstasy. 

 

 

• Kiss & Tell