I like to talk. A lot. I am an extrovert, and for me talking is sharing. It’s how I connect. But I don’t like to have one-sided conversations. Yes, sometimes I get caught in a wave of nerves or fear or some other neuroses and prattle on in an annoying fashion, but I don’t LIKE it when I do that. (No one likes it when I do that. TRUST ME.)
I like to hear the other person’s stories and learn how their experiences connect to mine. I like to know their thoughts and opinions. And then I like to comment on them with my own thoughts, opinions, and stories, starting the whole cycle over again. I know I am like this. I also know that not everyone else is.
I need connection. Some people are fine letting a week go by without touching base with someone they are seeing/dating/pursuing/courting/hanging out with, calling or texting only to quickly coordinate schedules or say, “Hey! I’m free right now. What are you up to?” They want to hang out, but if they are busy, they’re busy. Some people just have a “see you when I have time” mentality. There is nothing wrong with this, but I know myself (a little, but not completely since I’m pretty enigmatic and all) and I am not one of these people.
If life is too busy for face time (and sometimes it is), I want to have some connection to hold me over. I want to know how that meeting was, what you’re working on, how you slept, what music you listened to today, something, ANYTHING about your day. About your life. About you. And even if my schedule is packed, I want to let you know something, anything about my recent days. I want to connect. Even if I saw you three days ago and am seeing you in two nights, I want those little connections.
Trying to connect with someone who does not enjoy 5 to 15 minute phone calls, emails, and/or text messages is like pulling teeth. And I can only imagine how annoying it must be for someone who does not enjoy that type of connection to be on the receiving end of my efforts. I probably seem needy and crazy, which, let’s be honest, I am a little bit. But I know me, and I know I will send these little texts and emails and let you know that I saw a dude that looks like you at the movies or call you just to tell you I remembered the name of that song (FINALLY). And I know I will be happiest when these communications are reciprocated.
All this rambling on (I told you I like to talk) to say this: date someone who likes to connect the way you do, or is so wildly crazy about you, they are perfectly willing to adopt your style of interaction. I don’t care how great it is when you hang out together, if you’re calling someone disproportionately more than they are calling you, it’s not going to work. Plus, they probably don’t like you as much as you like them (DUH). Move on. And find someone who likes to see your name come up on his or her phone.
Author: Heidi Garvin
